Baby's got blue eyes
by Noa-Pearl
Summary: She had the most incredible eyes he had ever seen. The sparkle, the passion.. Those eyes were shining. - Glimpses of the way Catherine and Gil lived in the past. And perhaps in the present and future as well.
1. 7th of July, 1983

_Summary: She had the most incredible eyes he had ever seen. The sparkle, the passion.. Those eyes were shining. There was a shadow in those eyes as well though._ And he was determined to find out what that shadow was about, and help her with every single thing.

_Note: Just for the record; Gil's born in 1956, Catherine in 1963. I hope you all enjoy this, let me know what you think of it._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, unfortunately. All credit goes to those who've made this wonderful characters to heroes ._

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Chapter 1.

_7th of July, 1983._

27-year old Gil Grissom walked into the French Palace. He never went to places like these. The place was crowded, full of men screaming and drinking beer. His co-worker, detective Jim Brass gave him a slap on his shoulder and yelled in his ear: "How nice that we're able to come here during our shift, huh!" Grissom didn't reply, but only thought in himself how uncomfortable he was in these places. Half naked women on stage, taking off their clothes for a living, with men all over the place, yelling for more and paying to get whatever they wanted. He hated those kind of men. They needed to be here for a case though; the evidence had led them to the strip club. When Jim talked to the owner of the French Palace, Gil's eyes were drawn to the stage. A redhead stepped on the stage, showing off a fabulous smile before she started her act. Instead of watching the almost naked body of the redhead, his eyes were drawn to hers. They were more than just blue. She had the most incredible eyes he had ever seen. The sparkle, the passion.. Those eyes were shining. There was a shadow in those eyes as well though. A shadow that predicted something sad, something unhappy. Gil kept staring at her eyes. And, suddenly, her eyes stared into his. She kept her look on him for a while, and turned her pretty, full, pinkish lips into a seductive smile, before she turned and looked away again. At that same moment, Gil heard Jim say: "We have to come back in an hour, the girls that were working with Samantha are all finished then." Gil nodded, and was somewhat surprised that Jim took off that easy. He had expected Jim to demand the owner that they could talk to the girls right now. But Gil knew Jim; Jim probably wouldn't mind coming back to this place one more time. A little disappointed, Gil followed his colleague to the exit of the building. The redhead on the stage was intriguing him. And he hoped to see her again. Before he left the building, he turned around one last time to look at the woman on stage. To his surprise, she was already resting her eyes on him. She smiled at him when she saw him looking at her. And to his own surprise, he smiled back.

20-year old Catherine Flynn watched a certain male in the audience with surprise. The man didn't seem to care for the fact that she was half-naked. His eyes weren't going up and down over her body, like the eyes of all the other men did. He kept looking at her eyes. It surprised her. Catherine hadn't met a single man in the French Palace before who looked at her eyes first instead of her breasts. Or ass. Or any other part of her body. She gave him one of her smiles, the ones she usually saved for the men she met outside of the French Palace, and then turned away again. After all, she had to continue her act. When Catherine was able to look at the place the man had been standing though, she was a little disappointed when she didn't spot him. She scanned the building as good as possible, and spotted him near the exit. He turned around one more time, and she could see him searching for her eyes again. She smiled at him. And, to her surprise, she found him smiling back before he left the building. As soon as her routine ended, she got off of the stage, heading backstage. She wasn't in the mood for a man tonight. Instead, she was thinking about the man that had been in the audience. She was wondering what he had seen in her eyes. If she had been able to sell the lies she was trying to spread with the attitude she had. She was wondering if he was able to see how she really felt after looking into her eyes. And she was wondering if she would ever see him again.

_Blue eyes,  
Baby's got blue eyes,  
Like a deep blue see,  
On a blue blue day,  
Blue eyes,_

_Baby's got blue eyes,  
When the morning comes,_

_I'll be far away,  
And I say,  
__Blue eyes,  
__Holding back the tears,  
__Holding back the pain,  
__Baby's got blue eyes.  
__And she's alone again._

_Disclaimer: Song is Elthon John's Blue Eyes.  
Note: Liked it, hated it? I certainly hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you think of it and if you have any (constructive) criticism. Sorry for the short chapter. It needed to end here though. Next will be longer, and up soon, I promise. x._


	2. 15th of September, 1984

_Note: Thanks to those who've been reading this, I really appreciate it. Next chapter's here, just a little update before I go to work.. Hope you enjoy it! x._

**Chapter 2.**

_15th of September, 1984._

It had been over a year since the last time Gil had entered the French Palace. The case he and Jim were dealing with had been solved pretty quick, and after that, Gil had never found the courage to head back to the French Palace. He though about that day a lot though. The 7th of July. That's when he had seen those blue eyes for the first time. They were still haunting him in his dreams sometimes. When he and Jim had returned an hour later that 7th of July, the redhead had been gone. It had disappointed Gil, but he had never found the courage to get back to the building and look at the gorgeous woman again. Today, he had been forced to go back to the French Palace though. The men of his shift, the Graveyard, wanted to go out. Gil, who never had been a people person, wanted to refuse the offer. When they had told him they were going to the French Palace though, Gil had changed his mind. He hoped the redhead was still working there. He hoped he would see her again that night.

When the four Graveyard men and Jim Brass entered the French Palace, a blonde, tall woman who'd been tanning way too much was dancing on stage. Gil didn't pay any attention to her, and walked after the other four men instead. They all ordered a beer and took place at the bar. While the other men were talking –mostly about the women they spotted,- Gil scanned every single woman he saw. He wanted to see her. After twenty minutes though, he gave up his search. When he turned around to face the bartender to order another beer, he felt his elbow hit something. Something soft. When he turned back, Gil stared into the blue eyes he'd been thinking about for so long.

Catherine wasn't in a dancing mood that night. She felt sick and she wanted to go home. She had two more hours to go though. She decided to make a quick walk to the bar, trying if the bartender would fix her another screwdriver. He would probably do it for free if she gave him a wink. When she finally managed to make her way to the bar through all the men –without anyone pinching her ass,- she received an elbow in her breast. The guilty man in front of her turned around immediately and Catherine was ready to yell at him. But then she saw those eyes. Catherine recognized those eyes out of a million. It were his. It were the eyes of the man who'd been looking at hers more than a year ago. She'd never forget him. Nor had she ever forget his eyes.

Gil swallowed. It was her. It was the redhead. Gil saw the tough, angry look in her eyes change to a surprised one. He realised she recognized him. Gil knew he needed to say something, so he said: "I'm sorry. I didn't realise you were standing behind me." Catherine leaned in closer and said in his ear: "It's fine. It happens all the time. You're the only one I'm forgiving this quick though." Gil smiled after her comment and said: "And why is that?" She smiled at him and, before she said anything, she pushed the men that were standing next to Gil at the bar aside so she was able to rest her body against the bar and face the man at the same time. Then Catherine said: "Because I remember you. You were the man that looked into my eyes." Gil smiled, and became somewhat shy. "Can't believe you remember that." Catherine smiled. She was touched by the fact that she made him blush. "Of course I remember. You're the first man I met in this building that looked at my eyes instead of my breasts." "Well, you have very beautiful eyes." Catherine giggled; something that surprised herself. Her normally cool, tough attitude disappeared in front of this man she had never really met before. She accepted his comment though. "Thank you. Yours are pretty as well." There was silence for a while, and Gil was afraid that the redhead would leave, so he said: "Can I buy you a drink?" Catherine smiled and whispered in his ear: "You know, I think you should let me buy you a drink. I'll get them for free." Catherine gave him another smile before she turned herself to the bartender. Gil noticed her leaning over the bar, and noticed the bartender looking at her breasts while Catherine whispered something in his near. It took less than two minutes for the bartender to fix her a drink, and him a beer. Catherine then turned back to Gil and said: "Can I take you backstage? Don't worry, you don't have to pay. I… It's just.. Easier to talk there." Gil was surprised, but just followed the woman and let his surprised co-workers watch him.

Once they were backstage, the two headed to Catherine's changing room. When they were inside, she locked the door. Gil didn't dare to ask her why. Instead, he said: "I never heard your name…" "I'm Catherine. Catherine Flynn" "Gil Grissom." She smiled and said: "Well, Gil Grissom, it's very nice to finally meet you." Catherine sat down on the chair in front of a huge mirror, while Gil scanned her room, and she said: "I hope you don't mind if I remove my make-up." Gil turned back to face Catherine again and said: "What makes you think I mind? I think you'll look beautiful anyway." She smiled. "Well, thank you. You're very generous with your compliments," she said, before giving him a wink. It made Gil feel warm inside. "So, you know I do for a living.. What about you?" "I work as a forensic investigator. It's basically.." Gil wanted to explain what it meant, but Catherine had interrupted him in excitement. "Are you serious?! That's amazing.. You're one of those people who make puzzles complete again." He nodded and then added: "I work nights." Catherine nodded while she was removing the make-up off of her eyes. There was silence for a while, and Catherine realised how shy Gil was. He tried not to look at her, and instead look around in her room. It made Catherine laugh a little, though she tried not to let him notice. After all, he was in the changing room of an exotic dancer. What meant clothes were shattered all over the place. Including thongs and bras. Catherine heard him clear his throat before he said: "Do you… Would you like to go out for some coffee and breakfast when you're done?" Catherine smiled. "I'd love to."

_I get lost in your eyes  
And I feel my spirits rise  
And soar like the wind..  
Is it love that I am in?_

_Disclaimer: Song is Debbie Gibson's Lost in your eyes.  
Note: Liked it, hated it? You want me to continue? Let me know, that little button's just below... ;-). _


	3. 29th of March, 1986

_Note: And here's the next chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it again! _

**Chapter 3.**

_29th of March, 1986._

It had been four in the morning when Gil received a call. Ten minutes later, she'd been on his doorstep. When he saw her splitted upperlip and the blood around her lefteye, he almost wanted to cry. Catherine walked in as soon as Gil opened his door, not wanting to let him see her looking that crappy. She started apologizing to him immediately. "I'm sorry Gil, I'm sorry that I called you.. I just.. I wasn't sure who else to call. I.." He softly pushed her down on his couch and sat down next to her while he said: "You know I don't mind. I want to help you, always." She gave him a sad smile. Gil softly touched the wound near her eye, and he could feel her getting some kind of shock out of pain. "I'm sorry," he quickly said. "You didn't hit me." Gil sighed. It had been the eleventh time since he'd met Catherine that she'd been at his house in the middle of the night, beaten up. He'd stopped counting the times when Catherine had called him to tell him Eddie had called her names and she had gotten scared. When they'd gone out for coffee the night they had talked for the first time, Gil had found out that she –unfortunately,- had a boyfriend. Eddie, a musician who tried to make it in the musicindustry. He hadn't had any luck so far. About two months after he had found out she had a boyfriend, she'd been on his doorstep at night for the first time. Swollen lip, bruised arms… Gil couldn't believe how such a gorgeous, smart, though woman as Catherine was able to stay with a man like Eddie. A man who drank too much, who spent all the money she earned and who hit her when he wanted to. But Catherine loved Eddie. And that was why Gil had stopped saying she needed to leave him. Instead, he had decided to stand by her through everything. And that was what he had been doing ever since. He was sick of Eddie hitting her though. It had to stop.

Catherine let Gil softly take care of her lip, eye and bruises. He was so sweet. Too sweet. Gil was always there when she had problems. When there was a guy at work that was annoying, when she and Eddie had a fight, when Eddie would hit her… She could always count on him. Catherine wished she could just run away from Eddie and stay with Gil. But that would be so complicated. Catherine loved Eddie. She really did. But when he was high, or when he was drunk, he was never satisfied. He was always angry. And he always took it out on her. Catherine knew this couldn't go on forever. But she was afraid of what Eddie would do when she would leave. While she felt Gil's soft, caring hands on her cheek, she heard him whisper: "Cath… This has to stop." She bit her lip and closed her eyes when she said: "I know. But.." "You can't leave. I know." Gil had finished her sentence. It was something she always said when Gil told her it couldn't go on like this forever.

When Catherine opened her eyes again, she saw Gil staring at her, his hand still on her cheek. Catherine knew there could be something more than friendship between the two of them. She could see it, she could feel it. But, again, she was afraid of what Eddie would do to her and Gil if she would leave him and run to Gil. She couldn't possibly get Gil in such an awful position. That was why she closed her eyes again, while Gil tried to make her lip look as good as possible. While Catherine kept her eyes closed and tried not to think of the pain, Gil was lost in thoughts. She was so beautiful. Gil wanted nothing more than just hold her in his arms forever. But he knew he couldn't. Gil thought about the first time he had met her. The shadow that he'd seen in her eyes back then. Gil was wondering if Eddie had been violent to her in those days as well.

Catherine opened her eyes again when she didn't feel Gil's hand on her face anymore. Her eyes fluttered open and she said: "Gil.. Can we go to bed? I'm tired.. You must be tired. I'm sorry for being the reason you can't sleep." He gave her one of his warm smiles that made her feel warm inside when he said: "Don't worry about that. Come one, lets get you in something more comfortable." Catherine knew he meant one of his t-shirts. She always slept in one of his t-shirts when she slept at his place. She liked it; it smelled like him, it made her feel safe. When both of them were ready to get to bed, Catherine saw Gil getting ready to get out of his bedroom again. "Gil..," she said, "please.. Don't go sleep on that couch again. It'll kill your back. Just stay here… The bed is big enough for both of us. And beside that, I'm not scared of you. And I'll feel safe with you near." His mind was running in circles. He knew it wouldn't be smart to be in the same bed as Catherine. But he couldn't resist that beautiful woman in his bed, who was hurt pretty bad, but managed to stay the gorgeous woman she was. He turned off the lights and lied down in the bed next to Catherine. A little nervous at first, but the warmth of her body and the knowledge it was Catherine laying next to him, made him a little more comfortable. "Good night, Cath." "Good night, Gil. Thanks for helping me… Again."

When Catherine woke up that next morning, she felt an arm resting on her belly. She felt her head resting on a chest. Catherine smiled when she realised it was Gil. She snuggled in a little closer. She knew she had to go back home soon and face Eddie. But for now, laying in the safe arms of Gil Grissom, was all she really wanted.

_He was a hunk if a man  
A chunk of a man and a drunk of a man  
A hunk of a drunken spunk of a man  
Such a boozy bruising bully of a husband_

_When he came home drunk at night  
He thrashed her black and he thrashed her white  
Thrashed her to within an inch of her life  
And snored all night like a pig her drunken husband._

_Disclaimer: The song is A Stitch in time, sang by Christy Moore._

_Note: As always, I hope you've enjoyed it. Please, let me know what you think of it. And - I know I'm a little early,- but I want to wish you a very, very merry Christmas. Enjoy! xx. _


	4. 9th of January, 1987

_Note: Next chapter! I love writing this story, and I hope -as always- you love reading it as well! x. _

_**Chapter 4.**_

_9th of January, 1987._

Eddie had left about five minutes ago, handing her the package with a sly smile before he left. She loved him for bringing it. On the other hand, she hated him for bringing it. She needed it, but she wished she didn't. The white powder was lying in front of her in its package, ready to be opened and ready to make her feel better than she could ever imagine. The high she would get as soon as the cocaine would be in her body. The rush of adrenaline that would be running through her entire body. She knew the feeling of happiness would be over soon. But she didn't care. She needed it. She needed the fix. Catherine needed the cocaine.

Gil greeted Ted, the owner of the French Palace. Gil had became a well-known person around the French Palace; everyone knew he was a friend of Catherine, and therefore, he was allowed backstage anytime he wanted. Gil felt the urge the check on Catherine every single day. He knew she wasn't being as though as her attitude led everyone to believe. She was feeling like crap, and he knew it. Her best friend, Stephanie, had been murdered not too long ago. The murderer hadn't been found. It had killed Catherine. Without her best friend, her job wasn't the same anymore. Gil knew Catherine wasn't the same anymore. Gil knew she was using drugs. Cocaine. He also knew Eddie was the one who'd got her in touch with it. Gil had begged her many times to stop with it. He knew it wasn't that easy though. That's why he had started checking on Catherine even more. After all, someone had to make sure she was okay. And he didn't mind being that person at all.

When he came into her dressing room, he saw her sitting in front of her make-up table, not facing the mirror, while she was wearing the things she was supposed to be dancing in. A bra covered with green palletes and a tight, black, leather skirt. Gil couldn't see her face, but he could see there was something wrong. "Catherine? You're okay?" Catherine turned around, and Gil recognized a shocked look on her face. As if she'd been caught doing something bad. He noticed her hand laying on the table, and he said: "What are you doing, Cath?". When Gil came closer, Catherine stood up. She felt busted. She wished she hadn't promised Gil she would stop using the drug. Catherine knew she would'nt have been capable of stopping. Gil had convinced her though. But she was weak. She needed it too much to just throw it away when someone would hand it over to her. Gil could see the scared look in her face. Gil knew what she was hiding. "Cath, I know what you're doing… What you were planning to do.." Catherine sighed. She should have known that Gil knew what she was doing. She let herself fall into the chair again, and realised she had started to cry. Gil could see the cocaine on the table; she'd been ready to sniff it. He sat down on his knees in front of her, and Catherine let herself fall into his arms immediately. "I'm sorry, Gil. I'm sorry for being so weak. I can't stop, I can't." Gil caressed her hair while he let her cry. He knew it was hard. "Catherine, you can't do this without any help.. Proffesional help." Catherine kept sobbing while she replied: "I can't stop Gil, I can't. I need it.." Her make-up was everywhere except where it was supposed to be, and Gil could see she was desperate. "I… Eddie… God, damn it, I just can't do anything without that shit anymore, Gil!" Gil never stopped holding her in his arms, and kept saying it would be fine until she finally stopped crying after more than half an hour.

Catherine got out of Gil's embrace, and Gil spotted the goosebumps that were all over her body. "When was the last time you've used it, Catherine," he softly whispered. Catherine shrugged, never taking her eyes of the white powder that was still lying untouched on the table, and she said: "I don't know. Too long ago, I guess." "Cath, you have to stop. Look at yourself…" Catherine got angry. She knew she had to stop, she knew it. But emotinally, she was living from high to high; all she wanted was the cocaine. "Don't you think I know that?!" She had started to scream. "I know it's bad, I know it's horrible, I know I'm weak… But all I can think of is getting that freakin' stuff. I want it, I need it… I'm longing for the stuff that's on that table, Gil! God, I'm horrible.. Pathetic." Gil saw how desperate she was, how knocked down she was. Suddenly, Catherine let herself fall down against the wall, letting her back and her head rest against the wall of her dressing room. She closed her eyes and suddenly whispered: "Gil.. I don't want to ruin my life because of the cocaine. I… I don't want to lose you because of the cocaine." Gil sat down next to her and said: "You know you'll never lose me." Catherine looked into his eyes and said: "You can't keep up with someone who'll always take the drugs over anything else Gil, you know that. I do realise I'm horrible when I can't have my fix. I… I just.. God, I don't know." Tears were streaming down her face again. It broke Gil's heart to see the woman he loved so much battle so hard against the drugs, yet losing every battle every single time. Gil slowly raised his thumb to her cheek, gently whiping away her tears and the mascara streams that were on it. She let her head rest on his shoulder when he said: "That's why I'm going to help you. You'll be fine. We'll be fine. I promise."

_The drugs began to peak  
A smile of joy arrives in me  
But sedation changes to panic and nausea  
And breath starts to shorten  
And heartbeats pound softer._

_Disclaimer: The song is called "My Heroine", by Silverstein._

_Note: Liked it? I have to admit that it was really hard writing this chapter, since I'm not that familiar with drugs.. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Let me know why you liked it or didn't like it! x. _


	5. 11th of June, 1989

_Note: I'm so ahead in writing this story that I decided to post another chapter. For those of you who read; enjoy! _

**Chapter 5.**

_11th of June, 1989._

Gil watched in amazement when the strawberry blonde went up on the stage as soon as her name was announced through the speakers. She had made it. She had done it. She'd earned her degree in Medical Science. Gil wasn't just proud of her. His grin from ear to ear revealed some much more than that. It had been such a hard road for Catherine to accomplish this. First of all, she had to get off of the cocaine before she was able to get her degree; after all, a drug addict wasn't the most trustworthy student. Then, she had to battle Eddie. He hadn't been too keen on the idea of Catherine studying again. This time though, Catherine had made Eddie clear studying was something she really wanted, and something she was going to do anyway. Even if Eddie would disapprove it. Gil had been so happy that Catherine had continued her study, and he was even more happy to see her on that stage right now. She looked so happy, so proud.. So secure.

Meanwhile, Catherine received her certificate with a huge grin on her face. She was so excited. So happy with finally reaching something. She made eye contact with Gil when she walked off stage. He smiled at her. She was wondering who had a bigger smile on its face; her or Gil. Catherine could tell he was extremely proud of her. It made herself proud as well, knowing that Gil was proud of her. She briefly broke the eye contact she and Gil were having, to see if Eddie was somewhere in the crowd as well. Catherine knew he probably wouldn't be near Gil; Eddie hated Gil's guts. Beside that, he was currently gone almost every single day. Working on his music. Catherine was beginning to wonder when she would finally hear something that would come even close to a song. She was a little disappointed when she didn't spot Eddie anywhere. But when she saw Gil's grin again, the disappointing feeling of Eddie not being there faded away. Catherine knew that, when she was honest, Gil was far more important to her than Eddie. Not only on a friendly level. But she tried to hide those feelings. After all, Gil Grissom wasn't just a man. He was a smart, intelligent, handsome man. Who probably wouldn't fall for a woman like her. No matter how friendly he would be to her.

When Catherine came home from her graduation, she was still as excited as a person could be. Gil had offered her dinner, but Catherine knew she had to head home to see Eddie. If she wouldn't do that, he'd probably be pissed off. Catherine didn't want to risk that. When she entered her and Eddie's apartment, she could see he was home. When she walked into the living room though, she could already see things would be bad. The numerous bottles of beer on the table made that very clear. "Ed? Eddie… Ed!" It took Eddie a while before he realised Catherine was standing in the doorway, trying to get his attention. He turned around and sounded annoyed when he said: "What?" Catherine's blood started to boil. "Don't tell me you forgot." "Don't tell you I forgot what, Catherine?" Catherine wanted to yell. To hit. But she knew he wouldn't care, and that Eddie would be stronger anyway. She sighed, and said: "Never mind," before she grabbed her purse and walked out of the door again. She couldn't prevent tears falling down her face though.

Catherine had been in her car for almost an hour. Half of that hour she'd been in front of the house of a certain man. Gil Grissom. She didn't want to bother him again. Catherine couldn't help herself though. She needed Gil to comfort her. She needed someone who was the total opposite of Eddie. And that was Gil. Gil was always there for her. And Catherine had to admit to herself that she was realizing more and more that she wanted to be with him as much as possible. Catherine was surprised to see the door opened before she even reached Gil's appartment. He immediately started talking though, so she didn't need to ask for an explanation. "Catherine! I already thought it was you! Why didn't you get out of the car..?!" When Gil finished his sentence, Catherine stood in front of him. "I'm sorry.. I just.. I didn't want to bother you." Gil gave her an assuring smile and said: "You have to stop that, you know… You'll never bother me. Come inside, please." Catherine quietly followed Gil into his livingroom, where she sat down on his couch next to him.

Gil curiously looked at her, while he waited for Catherine to start talking. Gil knew Eddie had done something. Otherwise, Catherine wouldn't look so unhappy on this day; after all, it had been a very special day for her. Finally, Catherine started talking. Well, rambling, actually. "Gil… He… He just doesn't care. He doesn't care about what I do, where I am.. I'm wondering if he actually cares about me. He forgot about my graduation today Gil, he forgot! How can he forget something like that.." Gil sighed. He couldn't believe that man. Catherine continued her rage. "He forgets every single thing that's important to me. He doesn't care, he just doesn't care. And I hate it that it affects me so much that he doesn't care. Eddie doesn't love me. He can't possibly love me with the way he behaves to me. He can't, can he?" Catherine desperatly looked at Gil. Before he realised it, Gil said: "He will never love you the way you should be loved, Catherine. He will never love you like I do."

Their eyes locked. Catherine felt a lump in her throath. Did he really say what she just heard him say? The redness of his face and the somewhat caught look in his eyes defintely showed that he had actually said those words. Catherine knew she was being wrong if she would now kiss Gil. Eddie was still her boyfriend after all. But a little voice in her head told her that she should kiss Gil. That she should love Gil. That Gil indeed was the man who was able to love her more than anyone else. She slowly brought her lips to his while she closed her eyes. When their lips met, it felt like every single piece of the puzzle called love fell in its place. It felt soft. Warm. It felt right. When Catherine opened her eyes, she started right into Gil's blue eyes. She could tell he was thinking the exact same thing. Catherine could see love. Catherine moved herself so she was closer to Gil and whispered: "Show me. Show me there's no one who'll love me the way you do."

_All that I am,  
all that I ever was.  
Is here in your perfect eyes,  
they're all I can see._

_I don't know where,  
confused about how as well.  
Just know that these things will never,  
change for us at all._

_Disclaimer: This lovely song is called Chasing Cars, from Snow Patrol. God, how I love that song ;-).  
__Note: I hope you lovely readers have enjoyed it. Please leave a review, button's below... xx. _


	6. 12th of June, 1989

_Note: Hi there, Happy New Year! Hope you all had a great night, I certainly did ;-). Next chapter's up! Enjoy! x._

**Chapter 6.**

_12th of June, 1989._

Rain was ticking on the roof of Gil's apartment. Catherine could see the clock that was telling her it was midnight. It stood next to Gil's bed. He was on top of her, kissing her neck, caressing her skin. Catherine knew she was wrong, cheating on Eddie. But it felt so good. Gil's lips moved to hers again while she tightened her grip on him. Catherine started to tug on his shirt, trying to get it off of him. Their eyes locked and Gil whispered: "Are you sure?" Catherine nodded and answered: "Nothing else I want more." Catherine seemed determined. It scared Gil a little bit; he was afraid she would regret what was going to happen, or that she would feel he'd taken advantage of her. He couldn't resist the determination and lust in her eyes though. He let her take his shirt off. Her hands attached to his chest immediately. Their kisses continued, and eventually, Catherine was able to get herself on top of Gil. She gave him on of her adorable smiles before she took of her own shirt. She leant in to kiss Gil, who managed release her bra. His mouth immediately found its way to the nipple of her right breast. He heard her moan. "You're gorgeous, Catherine." Catherine could her the honesty in his voice. The love. From that moment on, everything went fast. Catherine tugged on his belt, trying to get Gil out of his pants as soon as possible, while Gil put her skirt and panties down in one simple movement. "I want you inside of me." Hearing Catherine say that was all Gil needed to hear.

Gil woke up too early that next morning. Catherine was still asleep in his arms. He could tell she felt safe in his arms. While he was listening to her breathing, he thought about what happened not too long ago. It had felt magical. And Gil knew Catherine felt that same way. He had seen the sparkle in her eyes. While Gil caressed Catherine's hair, he was thinking about what was going to happen next. He knew Catherine was going to feel guilty towards Eddie. Gil hoped though that Catherine would finally choose for herself instead. And he hoped that meant that she would stay with him. Gil wasn't having any more time to think about that though. The eyes of the beautiful woman in his eyes fluttered open, looking immediately in his. She smiled and tried to stretch a little when she said: "Hey. Good morning." Her smile made him smile as well. "Good morning. Slept well?" Catherine nodded. "Yeah. Better than I have in a while, actually." Gil smiled. "Good." There was silence for a while, in which Gil was thinking about what Catherine was thinking at that moment. At that same moment, Catherine was having a dilemma. She loved Gil. She knew she did. And she knew he loved her. She'd seen it in his eyes that night. But there was always Eddie. Eddie. If Catherine was honest to herself, she knew he didn't love her. Not the way a man was supposed to love a woman. But she couldn't just leave him. She knew what Eddie was capable of. Not only to her. But to Gil as well. Catherine couldn't let that happen. Catherine couldn't let Eddie hurt Gil.

Catherine felt Gil's thumb stroke her neck before he said: "What are you thinking about?" Gil was afraid of her answer. Catherine sighed. "I… Eddie. I just…" Gil enlightened his grip on Catherine a little when he heard her say Eddie. Catherine knew she had to be honest. She couldn't make Gil believe that their night meant nothing to her. That he meant nothing to her. "Gil.. If I leave Eddie.. He will know it's because of you. He'll hurt you. I can't let that happen." Gil could see her eyes were getting a little wet. His thumb stroke the palm of her hand when he said: "But I want him to stop hurting you, Cath." "I know," she whispered. She snuggled closer into him, feeling his body heat against her body. Suddenly, Gil said: "I love you." Gil felt her body tightening, and he prayed he hadn't said something stupid. Catherine turned a little so she could face Gil again. His sudden phrase saying "I love you" had surprised her. In a good way. Catherine knew he loved her. He wouldn't have stayed with her for so long if he hadn't loved her. But hearing him say it, made her feel somehow complete. Catherine could see his eyes sparkle. She cupped his cheeks with her hands when she said: "I love you too." "Then let me take care of you, Catherine. Let me be with you. Hold you. Love you." There was nothing else she wanted more. She wanted to be with Gil. Let him hold her when she felt bad. She wanted him to love her the way a woman was supposed to be loved. But there was this irritating, little voice in the back of her head, telling her she couldn't just leave Eddie. Not without the risk of Eddie ruining both her and Gil's life. The fact that their lives would probably become even more complicated if she wouldn't leave Eddie, was something she was willing to take for granted.

_It's just a little thing, but it means so much to me.  
Our bodies together, while the rain plays a melody._

_Every raindrop makes me think of you.  
Wishing you were close to me._

_There is nothing that I'd rather do,  
than making love in the rain,  
I can't believe the joy it brings me.  
And when I'm all alone,  
I hear the rain on my window._

_When it's stormy outside, it's calm in my heart,  
with you in my arms.  
And when you're away from me,  
I wish it would rain,  
'cause it's always the same._

_Disclaimer: The song is Janet Jackson's "Making love in the rain."  
Note: Hope you liked it. As always, I'd love it if you'd leave a review.. Button's below, I'd really appreciate it! x._


	7. 24th of January, 1991

_Note: Thanks to all of you who are still reading! Here's the next chapter. x. _

_**Chapter 7.**_

_24th of January, 1991._

"Cath, you can't be serious?!" Catherine could see his eyes darken while he raised his voice with every word. He was getting pissed. Very, very pissed. "I'm sorry, Ed.. I have to go to work." Eddie threw his bottle of beer on the floor out of frustration. "What do you mean, I have to work?! You're always working, Catherine, always! You can't even be home on my birthday! It's insane!" He turned around, while making huge movements out of rage with his arms. Catherine knew his anger was at a point at which he could be violent. She knew she had to be careful. So she decided to be sweet, instead of getting pissed as well. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I don't make those schedules… We can do something together tomorrow, I'm free then." Catherine stepped closer to Eddie so she could look into his eyes again.

Catherine felt the hand on her face before she could see it coming. Eddie's hand hit her face just under her eyebrow. Catherine immediately took a step back, bringing her hand up to the stinging wound near her eye. "I know you're going to him," Eddie lisped, "I'm not stupid." Catherine knew Eddie was referring to Gil and realised it was time to get out of the house. She walked to the couch and grabbed her purse. When she wanted to turn again to get to the door, she felt Eddie grabbing her wrist. "Let go of me." Even Eddie couldn't possibly be able to miss the anger in Catherine's eyes. But Eddie could feel she was scared as well. He moved his head until it was only inches away from Catherine's. "You go and have fun with your boyfriend. The fact that you've quit dancing doesn't mean you're any better than you used to be. You're a fucking whore, Catherine." Catherine could smell the alcohol and cigarettes, and there was nothing she wanted to do more than hit him. She knew he'd hurt her even worse if she did though. Instead, she tugged as hard as possible to free her wrist. After he gave her one more deadly glare, she was able to free herself. Without looking back, she rushed out of the house.

Catherine knew she was late for work. She was also aware of the fact that she was sitting in her car in front of the building, hiding for every single person she knew. The patch under her eye had become flaming red. Gil would immediately know what was going on if he'd see her like this. Catherine sighed and grabbed her make-up purse. She knew the make-up wasn't good enough to hide the spot. She knew she'd try it. She always did. It took her less than five minutes to make the spot look less fiery, but she knew Gil would see it right away. Catherine sighed. She knew she was almost twenty minutes late. Feeling like crap, she got out of the car, preparing to face Gil and her job.

Catherine walked into Gil on her way to the locker room. Without saying anything, Catherine rushed to the locker room, with Gil only two steps behind her. He closed the door behind her and immediately said: "Cath, what's wrong?" Catherine showed her back to him, throwing stuff in her locker, while she said: "Nothing. I'm fine." "No, you're not." His hand grabbed hers and with a loud sigh, she turned around. The red patch under her eye was still visible, but a person could blame an insect or a person walking into a door. Gil knew it had to be Eddie who'd done it though. His hands slowly went up on her face, gently touching the red spot on Catherine's face. "What did he do, Catherine," Gil softly said. Catherine bit her lip and said: "Nothing special. He got angry because I wouldn't be home tonight.. It's his birthday." She laughed sarcastically before she said: "He's the one who usually isn't home, and now he gets angry at me because I have to work." There was silence for a while, in which Catherine's thoughts were blanc. Gil, though, was thinking about the gorgeous woman in front of him.

Ever since they'd spent the night together more than a year ago, they became more than friends. They'd been having an affair. The love between the two of them was real though, and Gil knew Catherine wanted nothing more than being with him. Gil had stopped asking her to leave Eddie though; he knew she was afraid. Gil was done with it though. Eddie wasn't good for Catherine. All Eddie did was hurt her; if he didn't do it physically, he did emotionally. But no matter what Gil told her, Catherine would never leave Eddie. He knew she loved him more than she could ever love Eddie. Leaving Eddie, unfortunately, didn't seem to be an option to Catherine.

Gil walked away from Catherine to lock the door and said: "Cath… This has to stop." Catherine shrugged and walked to Gil, placing her hands in his neck while she said: "I know, Gil, I know. I'll talk to him about it.." "I wasn't specifically talking about the hitting, Catherine." Gil could feel Catherine freeze before she slowly slid her hands back and said: "What were you talking about then?" Gil sighed and looked into the gorgeous eyes of the strawberry blonde in front of him. He loved her so much. She was everything he wanted, everything he needed it. But he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't handle it that she let herself get hurt over and over again. Gil looked into Catherine's eyes and said: "Cath.. I can't stand this anymore. Eddie keeps hurting you, over and over again. You obviously can't prevent it. He's not good for you, Catherine. You know he's not. I love you, and I want to be with you. But.. I want you to be mine. Mine only." Catherine's eyes started to tear up and Gil immediately regretted every word he'd said, even though it was the truth.

Gil's words hit her hard. Probably harder than any punch Eddie had ever given her. Catherine couldn't blame him for any word he'd said though. She knew he wouldn't be able to do the things they did at a certain point. Catherine closed her eyes when she felt tears coming. That couldn't prevent some of those tears from falling down her cheeks though. She sobbed against Gil's chest, while she whispered: "I'm sorry… I'm sorry, about everything."

After Catherine had said those words, Gil immediately knew what was going to happen between the two of them.

_Friends, lovers, or nothing,  
there can only be one.  
Friends, lovers, or nothing  
we'll never be the in between.  
So give it up._

_Anything other than yes is no,  
anything other than stay is go,  
anything less than "I love you" is lying._

_Disclaimer: The song is John Mayer's Friends, lovers or nothing from the Battle Studies album. Love that man, love his songs._

_Note: Liked it, hated it? Wondering what's gonna happen between Catherine and Gil, huh? I was wondering how you guys want this story to preceed. After all, I'd like to know what you people like to see happening in this story. Let me know! If you don't have a clue, you can always review as well of course ;-). Thanks for reading! x._


	8. 29th of March, 1991

_Note: Next chapter! x. _

**Chapter 8**.

_29th of March, 1991._

The events that had taken place between Gil and Catherine two months ago were still on Gil´s mind. They were friends. Just friends. No more kisses, no more love making.. Just friends. He didn't like being friends with Catherine at all. He wanted more. He knew Catherine wanted more. But she hadn't been ready to leave Eddie. And after what Gil had heard that morning, Gil was pretty sure Catherine wasn't planning on leaving Eddie at all. Her words were still wandering in his mind. Catherine had told him she was pregnant. Pregnant. Catherine was having a baby. Eddie's baby. The little hope that Gil had of him and Catherine getting together anyway was officially gone now. He'd never stop loving her though. Gil knew he would never be capable of not loving Catherine.

Catherine was sitting in the locker room, with a unconditional smile on her face. She was pregnant. She was having a baby. She had been pregnant for almost a month, and she knew so many things could go wrong. That's why she hadn't told anyone yet. Except for Gil. And Eddie, of course. Eddie had been ecstatic; something Catherine absolutely hadn't seen coming. Gil, on the other hand, didn't look that happy. He wasn't that happy about the fact that Eddie was the father of her unborn child. Thinking about Gil made her sigh. The affair they had been having until a couple of months ago, hadn't been just a thing. It wasn't just a flirt. It had lasted for almost two years. Two whole years. It had been love. Catherine knew he loved her. She loved him. If Catherine was honest, she knew there was a little voice in the back of her head saying she should've left Eddie a long time ago. It would've meant she'd be with Gil. Catherine shook her head, trying to get the thoughts about being with Gil out of her head. It wouldn't be happening. Especially not since there was something growing inside of her that wasn't Gil's.

When Catherine was ready to clock out later that night, she ran into Gil. Catherine knew there would be an uncomfortable silence if she wouldn't start talking immediately. "Gil! You're clocking out as well?" Gil nodded but didn't say a word. He wasn't sure what to say to Catherine. He wanted more from her, and she knew that. When Gil felt her hand on his arm, his breath stacked for a second. He heard Catherine say: "Gil.. Can we have breakfast? Please. I want to talk to you.." Gil looked in her eyes, and he knew he couldn't resist the begging eyes from the woman in front of him. Gil nodded and said: "Lets meet outside, okay?" Catherine smiled. "Okay, I'll see you in a little."

The couple eventually sat down in a little diner where they used to go at least twice a week. They ordered coffee and food, and when the damping cups were standing in front of them, Catherine started talking. Gil felt like her eyes had some kind of magic spell on them; he couldn't stop looking in those gorgeous blue eyes. "Gil.. I know you don't like me being pregnant." Gil immediately interrupted her. "Cath, that's not true, you know that. It's just.." "I know, you don't like me being pregnant with Eddie's child." Gil sighed. "I'm just afraid, Catherine." She smiled at him. "Afraid of what?" "That he'll do the same to your child as he does to you." Catherine's smile faded and Gil could almost hear her thinking. With a tiny voice, she finally said: "I won't let him." Gil put his hand on hers; it was a reflex. Then, he said: "Catherine.. Promise me.. Come to me. If Eddie ever hurts you, or your baby.. Come to me. Let me help you." "You always help me," Catherine softly whispered. He gently squeezed her hand. She gave him a smile and then softly said: "I promise, Gil."

About ninety minutes later, Catherine came home. She didn't spot Eddie's car, and she felt somewhat relieved to find out Eddie wasn't home. Catherine needed to spent some time alone, just her and her thoughts. Spending time with Gil always felt so right, so good.. It made her think as well. Having a baby was something Catherine had always wanted. A boy or a girl, she didn't mind. Having a girl meant buying all those cute little pink things, playing with dolls and doing a lot of girl-stuff. Having a boy meant she needed to buy cars instead of dolls, buy pants instead of skirts and dresses and probably standing on a football field every Saturday some time in the future. Catherine wouldn't mind either scenario. Boy or girl, she'd love her child unconditionally. Catherine had to admit though that she was somewhat scared of Eddie dealing with a child. He'd honestly looked excited, but Catherine wasn't sure if he was able to raise a child. She didn't want her child to be born into a world in which his or her parents were separated. A child didn't deserve that. Hers certainly didn't. And that was why she needed to try to stay with Eddie. For her child's sake. Even if that meant not being with the man she loved more than anyone else in the world.

Gil was thinking about Catherine as well. If he was honest, he had to admit that he was almost always thinking about Catherine. Not being with her on a higher level than friends was killing him. He knew she tried to do what was best for everyone. Gil knew he would never stay away from Catherine; he knew he couldn't. And that was why he knew he was going to help Catherine with every single thing she needed. He'd be there for here, no matter what would happen.

_She's got a baby inside,  
and holds her belly tight, all through the night._

_Just so she knows she's sleeping sound,  
safely, to keep her growing._

_And oh, when she'll open her eyes,  
there'll be no surprise,  
that she'll grow to be so beautifully,  
just like her mother that's carrying._

_Disclaimer: The song is from Colbie Caillat, Capri._

_Note: Liked it, hated it? Lindsey will appear soon in this story, I promise. The updates will be a little less regular than before since school has started again, and I -unfortunately,- have a lot of work to do for it! Anyway, I'll try to update soon, and let me know what you think of this chapter! xx._


	9. October 19th 20th, 1991

**Chapter 9.**

_October 19th / 20th, 1991._

Gil woke up from a ringing phone. He was slightly disorientated until he realised it was his phone that was ringing. With a sleepy voice he answered his phone. He woke up immediately when he heard the voice on the other end of the line. "Gil? Gil, it's me. I'm sorry I called you but Eddie's not answering and I kinda have this feeling that the baby's going to come." Gil sat up straight. "What do you mean, you kinda have this feeling that the baby's going to come?" Gil started to panic a little. "Gil! The baby's coming! I can't drive, I can't do anything. Can you bring me to the hospital. Please?" While Gil was processing the words Catherine had just said, Catherine started to get stressed out. "Gil! Gil! Are you there?" Gil had, apparently, found his voice again and said: "Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there!"

It took Gil less than ten minutes to reach Catherine's apartment. He almost stumbled inside the house, and he had to admit that he was kind of afraid of what he was going to see. When he walked into the living room, he saw Catherine sitting on the couch, in front of the television. She didn't look like comfortable at all, and as soon as she spotted Gil she started talking. Well, almost screaming; "Gil! I'm so sorry I called but Eddie didn't answer.. He's still not answering and it hurts like hell and I really didn't know what to do!" Gil rushed over to the strawberry blonde and sat down next to her. He gently caressed her cheek and said: "Relax. I'm glad you called me. It'll be fine, I'll get you through this."

Gil was walking up and down the hallway of the hospital. The time between Catherine's contractions was getting shorter and shorter, and Gil still wasn't able to get a hold of Eddie. When he walked back into Catherine's room, were she was laying in bed, swatting and puffing, he said: "Cath.. Eddie's still not answering his phone. I.. I'll go see if…" "No, no you're not going anywhere." Catherine grabbed his wrist while saying that. Then, she added: "I need you to stay. Please. Stay here." Her begging blue eyes looked into his and he knew he would stay with here. She needed him. He put his other hand –the one she wasn't holding,- over hers and said: "Of course I'll stay."

It was six in the morning, 20th of October. Gil had called Jim not too long, telling him Catherine had just delivered her baby and that he needed to stay with her. Jim understood. And that was how Gil Grissom became the first man –Catherine's doctor had been a woman as well,- that was holding Catherine's baby girl. Gil was sitting next to Catherine on her bed, holding the little girl in his arms. Catherine knew Gil felt somewhat uncomfortable, holding a baby in his arms. He did good though. While he was holding her, Catherine was admiring them. She was exhausted, but so proud. So proud of having her little girl. Catherine hated Eddie for not answering his damn cell phone. But having Gil with her at such an important day in her life, felt good. She tried not to think too much about Eddie though; she preferred to think about the gorgeous little girl that was laying in Gil's arms. Gil looked at Catherine; She looked so tired, yet so satisfied. "Catherine, she's gorgeous." Catherine nodded. "She is, isn't is she?" Catherine played with the little girl's fingers. Gil enjoyed the sight of Catherine playing with the just-born baby in his arms. After a while, he said: "What's her name, Catherine?" Catherine smiled at Gil and said: "Well.. Eddie and I couldn't find that many names we both agreed on. We both like Lindsey. I think she's a Lindsey, don't you think?" Catherine gently caressed the cheek of the little girl, before she heard Gil say: "I think Lindsey's perfect."

It took another three hours for Eddie to finally get to the hospital, arriving just after Gil had left. Eddie was immediately sold to the little bundle that was laying in Catherine's arms. Catherine loved the fact that he was so gentle with the little baby. That he never apologized for not being with her while she gave birth, stung her though. Eddie only had eyes for the little girl.

After Eddie had left and the nurses had put little Lindsey to bed, it was time for Catherine to sleep as well. She was thinking though. Being a mother made her proud. She wanted to be the perfect example for her daughter. And, as long as Lindsey's wouldn't know anything about her past, she could probably be doing a good job in that. But Catherine knew if Eddie would hit her, that image of her would be gone immediately. Beside that, Catherine had to admit she was scared that Eddie would hit Lindsey as well. After all, he'd looked with adoration at her as well. But as soon as things weren't going the way he wanted to, things could heat up very easily. Catherine wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to have the perfect family. Give her daughter the best possible youth. But Catherine wasn't sure if Eddie fit into that picture.

_In my daughter's eyes I am a hero,  
I am strong and wise and I know no fear.  
But the truth is plain to see,  
she was sent to rescue me.  
I see who I wanna be,  
in my daughter's eyes._

_In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal.  
Darkness turns to light,  
and the world is at peace.  
This miracle God gave to me,  
gives me strength when I am weak.  
I find reason to believe,  
in my daughter's eyes._

_And when she wraps her hand around my finger,  
oh it puts a smile in my heart.  
Everything becomes a little clearer,  
I realize what life is all about._

_Disclaimer: Martina McBride's 'In My Daughter's Eyes' is the song I've used.  
Note: And there is Lindsey, hehe ;-). Hope you liked it! Let me know, button's below! x._


	10. November 9th, 1993

_Note: Next chapter!_

Chapter 10.

_November 9th, 1993._

It was the third time that month that Gil had a sleeping Catherine and Lindsey in his house. Eddie hadn't exactly been nice to her that month. Both Catherine and Gil were off that night, enjoying their weekend. When Gil heard a knock in his door though, he knew it was Catherine. She stood there, in front of him, looking probably the worst way he'd ever seen her. He'd let her in immediately. Catherine had promised him they would talk the next morning.

Gil wasn't able to catch sleep though. Catherine's presence was on his mind the entire time. She'd looked so bad. Beside the dark circles under her eyes, she was pretty knocked up as well. Gil was so afraid Eddie would hit her too hard at a certain point. Catherine always assured him that Eddie would never lay a finger on Lindsey, but that was something that was on his mind as well. Suddenly, he heard movement at the other end of his door. He heard someone hit the wall and then heard someone murmur: "Shit." It was Catherine. He expected her to go back to bed, but he heard her walking down the stairs. He waited for a while, expecting her to get back upstairs again. She didn't though. Gil was wondering what was going on, and decided to get downstairs as well to see what was going on.

When Gil came downstairs, he saw the lights were on in the kitchen. He walked into the kitchen, were he saw Catherine sitting at the kitchen table, with an icepack against her lip and her eyebrow. "More hurt than you wanted to tell me, huh?" Catherine was startled by the sudden voice she heard, but immediately realised it was Gil. She gave him a sad smile and said: "I guess. I just didn't want you to take care of me. You need to sleep." Gil sat down next to her and whispered: "So do you." Catherine took the bag of ice away from her head and said: "Damn, that's really cold." Grissom chuckled. "Yeah, it's ice. That's supposed to be cold." Catherine stuck out her tongue and said: "Smart ass." She put the ice back on her head and the two were quiet for a while. Gil decided to make some tea. A couple of minutes later, he handed the damping cup to Catherine, who looked up and gave him a thankful smile. He smiled at her, and again, there was silence.

After taking the first sip out of the mock, Catherine said: "Gil… I'm sorry I came to you again." He shrugged. "No problem. You know you're always welcome." "I know… I just feel like I'm taking advantage of you." Gil shook his head and managed to say: "I'm your friend. This is what friends are for." Catherine smiled and nodded. "I'm glad you went to the French Palace years ago. I can't imagine what I would do without you." Grissom smiled and he knew that he felt that exact same way. He couldn't imagine living without her either. Catherine finished her tea and said: "I guess I'll get back to bed, try to get some sleep." Grissom nodded, and both stood up. Catherine put away the icepack while Gil put the two cups in his dishwasher. Both walked up the stairs, and when they were standing in front of Gil's room, he said: "Goodnight, Cath." She smiled. "Goodnight, Gil." She gave him a quick peck on his cheek before she disappeared to her own room.

Again, Gil wasn't able to catch sleep. The night he met her kept playing over and over again in his head. She'd looked so beautiful that night, and her eyes… Those eyes were the most gorgeous eyes he'd ever seen. They still were. Meeting Catherine was probably the best thing that had happened to him. On the other hand, it wasn't only happiness that she had given him so far. Catherine had made him fall in love with her. She'd learned him what love was, what it meant. How it felt. She'd broken his heart as well though, even though that wasn't her intention. Loving Catherine was the hardest and yet the most beautiful thing he'd ever experienced. Gil knew he wasn't able to keep loving her the way he did now; eventually he wouldn't have the energy for it. At a certain point, he knew he couldn't possibly be able to keep it up any longer. But he knew as well that he would never, ever be able to just ban Catherine out of his life. He loved her too much. And even though he knew those feelings had to stop at a certain point, he knew he would never be able to stop loving her. After all, she was the one who'd made him feel like he actually was somebody, who meant something to somebody. That he wasn't just a science geek. That he actually was a man.

It took Gil a long time to finally drift off to sleep. The last thing on his mind before he fell asleep, was –as most of the time,- Catherine. And the way he felt since he'd met her.

_I was born in the arms of imaginary friends.  
Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been.  
Then you come crashing in,  
like the realest thing.  
Trying my best to understand,  
all that your love can bring._

_Oh, half of my heart's got a grip on the situation,  
half of my heart takes time.  
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you,  
oh with half of my heart._

_I was made to believe,  
I'd never love somebody else.  
Made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself.  
Lonely was the song I sang,  
'till the day you came.  
Showing me another way  
and all that my love can bring._

_Disclaimer: It's a John Mayer song again, Half of my heart, from the Battle Studies album.  
Note: Ha, I know I'm torturing you all by not bringing Gil and Cath together. I'm kinda killing myself as well. You just have to hold on a little longer… Hope you're all able to ;-) . Please let me know if you liked it or not, and why/why not. Next update will be as soon as possible. I'm very busy with school at the moment, I've got exams in two weeks, so I apologize in advance if I'm not able to update as often as I usually do. Gonna try my best though. x._


	11. January 2nd, 1994

_Note: Next chapter. I really, really want to thank the people who added this story to their story-alert list or story-favorites list etc., and the people who review. You have no idea how much it means to me that people like this story. Enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think of it. x. _

**Chapter 11.**

_January 2nd, 1994._

"Cath, no, you're not serious?" "What the hell makes you think I'm not being serious. I'm leaving! We're leaving. I'm done with your drugs, I'm done with you fucking your music whores.. I'm just so done with you." Catherine knew Eddie wouldn't appreciate her words, but it was the truth. Eddie grabbed her wrist and said: "You are not leaving. Neither is Lindsey." She shook her hand hard enough to free her wrist from his grip and hissed: "We are." Catherine lifted Lindsey up off the ground and took the bag she packed for Lindsey. She was only taking the necessary stuff she needed for herself; she would pick up the rest later. When she walked away from Eddie, she heard him yell. Catherine didn't want to hear it. She started humming a song for Lindsey while she walked herself and her daughter to her car.

As soon as Catherine started her car, she started driving nowhere. She was currently having vacation; she had three days left before she had to get back to work again. She sighed as she stopped her car at the side of the road after twenty minutes. Leaving Eddie hadn't been an impulsive action. Catherine had known she would eventually leave him. She wanted it too work so bad though. She wanted Lindsey to grow up in a happy family. After this new year's eve though, she knew that would never happen. Catherine knew she and Eddie would never make a happy family as long as they were together. Their new year's eve hadn't quite been the way she wanted it to go. Eddie had been drunk when he came home around eight that evening. The fireworks had scared Lindsey, and Lindsey had started to cry. Eddie became angry at her for not being able to let Lindsey stop crying. They'd been fighting when the clock pointed twelve o'clock. Catherine had been fighting when the new year had begun. Catherine realised she would never be happy with Eddie. That she wouldn't be able to be a good mother to Lindsey as longs as would stay with Eddie. Those thoughts, and many, many more, had led to her sitting in her car at the side of the road, with her little girl in the car-seat next to her. Catherine didn't know what to do. She knew Gil was home as well, but she didn't want to ruin his day. Again. He was the only one she wanted to go to though. The only one who always understood her.

Instead of turning up on his doorstep like she usually did, she decided to call him. He answered quick. "Grissom." "Hey, it's me." He sounded surprised but happy when he said: "Hey! Happy new year." Catherine sighed. "Yeah. Happy new year to you too." There was silence for a while, and Catherine started thinking it had been wrong to call Gil. Then, he said: "You want to come over?" "Can I bring Lindsey?" "Of course you can." Catherine let out a sigh of relieve and said: "I'll be right there." "Drive safely." "Always."

When she was inside of his house about twenty minutes later, Lindsey played with a couple of toys Catherine had brought for her. Gil and her were sitting on the couch, drinking coffee. "I'm sorry I came here. The year has just begun and I'm already taking your time." Gil smiled. "I don't mind. What… What happened?" Catherine looked at him, wondering how he was able to know something was wrong. She laughed a little and said: "God, it's like you have some kind of radar that tells when something's happened to me." Gil didn't say a word, and waited for her to start talking. Catherine shrugged a little and said: "Well… I… I left Eddie." Gil seemed a little shocked, but he didn't say a word. Catherine continued. "I… He came home drunk two days ago. He ruined new year's eve. I.. God, I knew we weren't meant to be together. I knew it would never work out. I wanted it for Lindsey, I really, really did. And I did love Eddie, I did.. He… He cheated on me, Gil. I caught him and it hurts. It hurts so much. I just… God!" Catherine knew she was rambling and Gil knew she was getting upset, and when tears started to form in her eyes, he sat next to her. He held her while she sobbed.

Catherine knew she had done the right thing leaving Eddie, and –in the back of her head,- she knew that there would eventually be something better for her. Gil was glad she'd finally made the decision to leave him. And that night, was the first night, Catherine was sleeping in Gil's spare room without being beaten. Without being physically hurt. And even though Gil knew she couldn't possibly be more hurt emotionally, he knew she would be okay. Because she was strong. She was Catherine.

_So hard to see myself without him,  
I felt a piece of my heart break.  
But when you're standing at a crossroad,  
there's a choice you got to make._

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry.  
And let go of some things I've loved,  
to get to the other side.  
I guess it's gonna break me down,  
like falling when you try to fly.  
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
starts with goodbye._

_I know there's a blue horizon,  
somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me.  
Getting there means leaving things behind,  
sometimes life's so bitter sweet._

_Disclaimer: The song is Carrie Underwood's "Starts With Goodbye." One of my favourite country-singers.  
Note: I have to admit it was a little hard to find a song that suited this chapter. Usually, I have a song and I write the chapter with the song in my mind. Unfortunately, this came rolling out of my head before I had a song in mind. So I'm sorry if the song doesn't really fit the chapter that well. As always, let me know what you think of it! Button's below there somewhere… x._


	12. 20th of October, 1996

**Chapter 12.**

_20th of October, 1996._

Catherine watched her daughter with amusement as she saw her smiling and talking on the swings Gil. It was Lindsey's birthday today, and Gil had insisted on taking her and Lindsey out for breakfast. Catherine had doubted his proposal for an instant. Lindsey would be spending the evening and afternoon with Eddie, and Catherine wanted to spent some time with Lindsey by herself as well. Catherine was glad she'd excepted his invitation though. Lindsey was having a bless, and Gil seemed to enjoy it as well. Catherine saw how careful his was handling Lindsey, how much Lindsey seemed to enjoy his company… She enjoyed watching the two of them together. It made her think about Gil and her as well. Gil meant so much to her. After she and Eddie had broken up, they hadn't shared anything that could qualify them as more than friends. Catherine still saw him as something more than her friend. But she didn't want to hurt him more than she had done a couple of years ago. She enjoyed his company too much for that, and she was afraid she would lose him if she would tell him about her feelings. She kept watching Gil and her daughter though, smiling to herself about how much fun the two were having.

It was almost four in the afternoon when the three of them decided to get home. Eddie would be picking Lindsey up in an hour, and Gil wanted them to spent a little time together before Lindsey would go away and Catherine had to get ready for work and eat dinner. Catherine smiled when the little girl hugged Gil before she ran into the house, leaving Gil and Catherine together in the doorway. "Gil, I'm glad you invited us. Linds obviously had a great time." Gil shrugged and smiled while he said: "I'm glad. I enjoyed it as well." "You're so good with her." Catherine saw Gil blush a little bit and smiled. There was silence for a while, until Gil said: "Well, I guess I'm going to go. Enjoy your evening." Catherine nodded. "Thanks, you too. Thanks again for this day." Gil smiled again, and then turned around and walked away. Catherine watched him walk away. She adored the man, so much. When Gil was ready to get into his car, she decided she needed to do something. She yelled: "Gil! Gil, wait a second."

Gil turned around when he heard Catherine yell his name. She was running to his car. He looked at her while she was running. She was so pretty. When she stood in front of him, she said: "You want to come over for dinner tonight? I know I'm not such a good cook, but I'll try to make something good…" Gil smiled. He knew cooking wasn't one of her best skills. But he would eat the most disgusting thing if that would mean spending time with Catherine. "Of course. I'll be here at seven."

It was half past six when Catherine finally came down the stairs, rushing through her entire house. The food was almost done, but Catherine herself wasn't quite ready yet. She was wearing a black, short dress, not too fancy but just enough. It showed a nice amount of cleavage. She wore a necklace Gil had given her a couple of years ago; a silver one with a little butterfly, covered with gorgeous crystals. It was the most beautiful thing someone had ever given her. The food seemed pretty good. It was nothing special, just chicken in a nice sauce with vegetables and rice and a good bottle of wine. Catherine realised how fast her heart was beating. She was afraid that she was doing something wrong. Catherine knew she loved Gil. Probably more than she'd ever loved Eddie. But she was so scared. Scared that Gil hadn't been waiting for her. She wouldn't blame him for that. Scared that his feelings had faded away. But most of all, she was scared of what would happen if she would admit to him how she felt. How would that affect their relationship?

Little did she know that Gil was having that same knot in his stomach. It was a little before seven, and he was standing in front of her door. He was nervous. And that was an understatement. He was going to eat something with Catherine. He'd done that a thousand times. But this time felt so different. The affect she had on him was enormous. Every smile she gave him, every word she said.. It always took his breath away. He decided to just knock on the door and get over himself. It was dinner. Just dinner. When Catherine opened the door, Gil felt like he was going to faint. She looked incredible. Catherine gave him one of her prettiest smiles, and Gil instantly knew that it was going to be hard to treat their dinner as 'just' a dinner between two friends.

Their dinner was delightful. To both Catherine's and Gil's surprise, the meal tasted pretty good. Catherine saw Gil looking at her from time to time, but she wasn't sure what those looks meant. Their shift would start in an hour. With aversion, Gil said: "Cath, I think it's time to go and change outfits." Catherine had a puzzled look on her face, and Gil continued. "Shift stars in an hour. Think all criminals will faint if they see you dressed like that." Gil's comment shocked himself, but made Catherine laugh. "I guess your right." Both stood up, and Gil wanted to take their plates to the kitchen. When he reached for his, Catherine put her hands on his and said: "Don't. I invited you, I'll clean it up." Their eyes locked while she spoke, and both could feel tension. Both knew that there was something undeniably good between the two of them. Something called love. Both didn't dare taking the step though. The step from friendship to lovers. Not again. Catherine smiled and softly said: "I guess I'll go get changed then."

_Some people search what seems to be a lifetime,  
to find a love like this.  
And here we are with everything we wished for,  
I never felt such bliss._

_'Cause you've turned my world around.  
since you came along.  
After this love was found,  
it seems like we can't go wrong._

_Deep in my heart,  
I know there's only you.  
And right from the start I always knew,  
I never let go, 'cause love you so.  
I want you for the rest of my life._

_Disclaimer: Yeah, I know it's a cheesy pop song ;-). But what can I say… Reminds me of the good ol' days, hehe. It's from Britney Spears her first album and is called "Deep in my heart."  
Note: Oh God, it broke my heart to not let them kiss. Next chapter will be up soon, and I promise there will be something in it you like!_

_**Question: I have a tiny little question for all of you. I'm writing now, and I'm having a dilemma, and I want to ask you guys what you'd like me to do. Would you like me to include Sara Sidle in this story, or would you prefer to not get any other characters in this story beside Gil/Cath/Lindsey/Eddie, like the way it is now? Please sent me a message and let me know, I'm a little stuck! xx.** _


	13. 26th of December, 1996

_Note: Enjoy! x. _

**Chapter 13.**

_26th of December, 1996._

It was the day after Christmas. It was a well-known day for all employees at the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Every year, on the day after Christmas, the lab had their annual Christmas Party. Normally, Catherine didn't attend the entire night. She had Lindsey to take care of, and that was much more important to her than a Christmas party. But Lindsey was with Eddie. That was why Catherine had decided to attend at the party after all. And, after a tiny little bit of manipulation, she'd convinced Gil on coming as well.

They had decided to meet at the part itself. Catherine knew she was a little late, but she blamed that to her make-up. After all, she wanted to look her best. And better than what she looked know wasn't possible. She was wearing a dark green dress, that made her red locks stand out. She had curled her hair, and the curls were falling loosely on her shoulders. Her black high heels made her already slim legs look even more slim, and her make-up made her best features stand out even more. Catherine felt confident.

Gil, on the other hand, wasn't his usual self. He was extremely nervous. He looked good, in his blackish suit and perfectly matching bow. But Catherine wasn't at the party yet. It made him nervous. He wasn't such a fan of parties. And without Catherine, he felt like he was completely out of place between all the other people. After thirty minutes of standing uncomfortable near the bar, he finally caught sight of a woman with reddish locks. He felt relieved when he saw it actually was Catherine. When he saw her entire look, he could almost feel his jaw drop. She looked gorgeous. Absolutely flawless. With a huge smile on her face, she walked to Grissom and gave him a hug. "You look gorgeous, Cath." Gil managed to get the sentence he wanted to say out of his mouth without making it sound like he was a mice that was getting squashed. Catherine pulled herself out of his hug and smiled. "Thanks, Gil. You look very handsome yourself."

It was almost twelve o'clock, and both Catherine and Gil had to admit that they were a little tired. They had been talking and laughing the entire night, and Catherine had tried to let her charms work on Gil. Unfortunately, Gil hadn't responded to her flirtatious actions. Catherine didn't know though that Gil was trying his best. He tried to be just Gil, just himself, but he knew that he was tense. He felt out of place at the party. Gil didn't want Catherine to feel like he was uncomfortable in her presence though, and a little while after that though, he heard himself say: "Cath, can we go to my house? I… I don't really like it here." A puzzled look came across Catherine's face, but she agreed with his proposal.

Catherine noticed how comfortable Gil got once they were inside his townhouse. While she went to the fridge to grab some orange juice and started to mix two screwdrivers she said: "You still don't like parties, do you?" Gil shrugged. "Not really. I.. I'm not a good dancer. I'm no fun to talk to. I.. I just feel out of place on those kind of events." Catherine smiled at him and handed him his drink before she looked into his eyes and said: "You shouldn't think so bad about yourself, Gil. You are fun to talk to. I love hanging out with you." Gil just nodded, drinking his drink. He almost chocked in his drink though when Catherine said: "I'll teach you. I can teach you how to dance. I'm sure you're a natural." He looked into her gorgeous blue eyes that were sparkling and said: "Cath, no.. No, That's not a good idea." Catherine pouted and said: "Why not?! I'm positive you're able to dance within an hour!" Gil knew he couldn't resist that pout. Nor could he resist those eyes. And that smile. Catherine knew she had convinced him into dancing with her. Her smile grew wider when he gulped his drink down his throat and said: "Well.. Let's dance."

While Catherine searched through her music collection, she yelled to Gil, who was still in the kitchen: "Gil! You want to start slow or quick?" Secretly, Catherine wanted him to pick slow. That way, she was able to be closer. To smell his scent, to lean into him, to feel his body against hers… Her thoughts were interrupted by Gil's voice, that said: "I.. Uh .. I don't really care." She turned around and found him standing behind her. She was holding a CD in her hand that was named 25 Best Love Songs and said: "Well… I guess we should start with a slow song, then."

The soft tunes of Delta Goodrem's Last Night On Earth started coming out of Catherine's stereo when she said: "Well.. Come here. You know how to do this, right?" Gil's face was becoming red and he said: "Cath.. You don't have to do this." Catherine grabbed his hands and said: "I want to. Come on, you'll do fine, I'm sure about that." She gently placed his hands on her hips and put her arms around his neck. She pushed herself a little closer to him and whispered: "Don't think. Just dance."

Gil's fear for being too close to Catherine disappeared immediately when he felt her soft hands in his neck. It felt good. There was probably nothing else that felt better than this. He felt Catherine moving closer to him and heard her whisper: "I told you, you are a natural." Their eyes locked and before Gil knew what was happening, he bend his head down. Their lips met and Gil felt like he was dreaming. He knew what kissing Catherine was like, but it felt even better than he remembered. Catherine pressed herself even closer to Gil, wanting to connect every single part of their bodies. Their kiss became more intense and more passionate, and when they finally broke the kiss, Catherine whispered: "I love you." "I love you too."

_Your fingers on my skin,  
only you can hear my fear,  
only you can help me heal,  
I see forever with you here._

_It's never enough,  
no matter how many miles stand between us,  
this is love._

_If tomorrow never comes,  
I want you to know right now that I,  
I'm gonna love you until the day I die.  
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first,  
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth._

_  
Disclaimer: The song is from Delta Goodrem, and is called Last Night On Earth. Definitely a recommendation, all of Delta's songs are, she's amazing!  
__Note: Thanks again for the lovely reviews, I really appreciate it. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I really liked writing it. I'll try to update asap, very busy with school though, but I'm trying my best to write as much as possible. Let me know if you liked this chapter, that tiny little button is down there somewhere... xx. _


	14. 30th of December, 1996

_Note: Next chapter! Enjoy, x._

**Chapter 14.**

_30th of December, 1996._

Catherine sat alone on her couch, with a mug of hot coffee in her hand. In her mind, an certain conversation of two days ago kept playing over and over again.

_"Gil, you can't be serious!" Catherine's surprised face was looking at his face with a puzzled look on his face. He sighed and rubbed his temple. He was sitting behind his desk, with a furious Catherine in front of him. "I'm sorry, Catherine. I didn't plan this." Catherine stood in front of him, staring at him in disbelief. "Gil! You're telling me now, that you're going to leave, tonight, to go to a conference until next week.. Do you know what that means!?" Gil sighed and walked over to Catherine. He gently rubbed her shoulders while he said: "I know, Cath, and I'm sorry. But.. It's important. Besides, they kill me here if I won't go." Catherine turned around so she could face Gil and said: "But it's new year's eve. I want to spend it with you. I need to spend it with you. Please." Gil gave her a soft kiss on her lips before he said: "I'm sorry, Cath, I can't."_

The conversation made Catherine sigh again. Especially because of the events that had happened after that conversation. She knew it had been wrong, but she hadn't been able to help herself. She was so disappointed to hear that she wasn't going to spend new year's eve with Gil, and she'd started yelling at him again. Gil had been hurt. Very hurt. And the worst thing was, that she hadn't talked to him after their fight. Catherine knew she should've contacted him, but she hadn't done that. And now, he was in San Fransisco, at some kind of conference, without her there. Without her being able to tell him how sorry she was. How miserable she felt. Catherine grabbed her cell again, and tried to call him. Voicemail again. She left him his tenth message that morning.

Meanwhile, Gil was in San Fransisco, attending to a conference. He couldn't keep his mind on the subject though. Catherine was the only thing on his mind. He hadn't talked to her since he'd left, and he felt horrible. Gil felt somewhat guilty for leaving. He understood why Catherine wanted to spent new year's eve with him. Not longer than a week ago, they'd finally admitted to the other how much they loved each other. Everything between them had been so sweet, so tender.. So full of love. And now, he'd left her alone on new year's eve. He wanted to call her so bad, but he was afraid she was still angry. He cursed himself for leaving his cell phone in his room. Gil sighed and tried to turn his attention back to the man that was lecturing. It would be three long days.

Gil was finally able to get to his hotel room after a lecture that had been going on way too long. During the lecture, Catherine had pretty much been the only thing on his mind. He needed to get back to Vegas, he was sure about that. He impatiently opened his door –not bothering to close it,- and grabbed his cell phone. 10 voicemails, 12 missed calls… If he wouldn't know better, he would've probably thought he had a stalker. Gil didn't bother listening to his voicemails, he just called Catherine back. Now, she wasn't answering. Gil cursed, and then grabbed his suitcase, starting to throw every single thing in it. He had to get back to Las Vegas. He had to be home before midnight that next day. His suitcase was almost completely filled, when he realised he needed a flight back home. He grabbed the telephone that was in his room, and dialled the number of the reception.

That next day, Catherine was filled with self-pity. She wanted to make the last day of the year unforgettable, especially for Lindsey. She knew it was going to be unforgettable for her too. But not in a good way. She'd just put Lindsey in bed –after she'd promised her daughter a million times that she would wake her up so she could see the fireworks,- and now she was alone. Now she wasn't having an excited daughter that could keep her mind off Gil Grissom. She'd tried to call him at thousand times that day, but she was forwarded to his voicemail immediately every single time. Catherine was afraid he was mad at her. Or that he was celebrating new year's eve with someone else. She hugged her mug with coffee tighter, and tried to focus herself on the television show she was watching. She couldn't prevent tears falling down her cheeks though.

A couple of hours later, Catherine tried to call Gil one more time. Again, she was directed to his voicemail. She sighed. She wanted to hear Gil's voice so badly, to see him, to touch him.. But that obviously wasn't going to happen that night. Catherine decided it was time to wake up Lindsey. She'd put on some make-up, to make sure she looked like nothing was wrong, and walked to the little girl's room. Catherine sat down at Lindsey's bed and stroke her daughter's her while she whispered: "It's time to wake up, baby. There will be fireworks in a couple of minutes." The little girl opened her eyes and yawned before she said: "I'm tired, mommy." Catherine chuckled. "I know, you should, it's late. But there will be fireworks in ten minutes, and I bet you don't want to miss that!" The girl nodded and Catherine smiled at her daughter. Catherine was so happy with that little girl. "Well, come on, get out of bed, missy, than we can go outside!"

Minutes later, Catherine was standing in the kitchen. Catherine grabbed two glasses and started filling one with champagne, and another one with special pink lemonade for her daughter. "Linds! Come downstairs, it's almost midnight," she yelled. Catherine heard a little stumbling upstairs, and figured she would be there in a second. At that point, the doorbell rang. Catherine raised an eyebrow. What kind of person would stand at her front door at midnight, at new year's eve? Her heart started pounding; it couldn't be Gil, could it? She walked to the door and opened it.

What she saw, was the most incredible thing she'd ever seen. On her porch, were tens of candles, shaped in the form of a heart. Gil was standing in the middle of it. Tears welled up in Catherine's eyes. She felt a hand tugging at her shirt and heard her daughter say: "Mommy, what's going on?" Catherine turned back to her daughter and said: "Honey, would you be sweet and grab the photo camera that's on the kitchen table?" The girl nodded and walked into the living room, while Catherine stepped into the heart. "You're back," she whispered. Gil cupped her cheek and whispered: "I am. I'm sorry that I left, that was stupid. I'm sorry.. You and Lindsey are the one's I want to spend tonight with. And the rest of my life." Catherine smiled. "I'm sorry for getting angry. I love you so much." "I love you too, Cath." Gil kissed her softly on his lips, and before their kiss could turn into something more intense, they heard Lindsey say: "Mommy, it's almost midnight!" Gil felt Catherine's lips form into a smile before she broke their kiss and said: "Linds, come here sweetie."

And there, in that heart-shaped figure, the three celebrated their last minutes of 1996. And the first of 1997.

_All the lights go down around you,  
30th of December, and the truth is coming up hard.  
Feel the way you do, now,  
with no excuses,  
'cause you're perfect just the way you are._

_Get the feeling that something surrounds you,  
give it all up and watch it fly.  
Speak soft, dear and let it wash over you,  
'cause when you give an inch you walk that mile  
and you walk mile so well._

_Oh, you're everything you were ever supposed to be._

_Disclaimer: The song's from a Dutch singer, called Laura Jansen. The song is called "Perfect". She's extremely talented, I suggest you look her up on youtube or something, 'cause she's an incredible artist!_

_Note: Okay.. I'm not sure how cell phones looked like in 1996 haha, they were probably huge.. Anyway, I know it's a little cliché to let Gil arrive home just in time.. But.. Well.. I wanted to write something happy, haha ;-). I really hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if you liked it, your reviews honestly make me happy! x. _


	15. 17th of July, 1997

**Chapter 15. **

_17th of July, 1997._

It was in the middle of the summer. Both Catherine and Gil had decided to take three weeks off. They would spent two weeks with Lindsey, but Gil had wanted to go somewhere with Catherine alone as well. And that was why they were in Los Angeles now, Santa Monica to be exact. Gil had rented a little beach house, far away from the busiest beaches. They had their own little beach, their own little house, and most important of all; they had each other.

It was their second morning in Santa Monica, and Catherine woke up with an empty spot next to her. She was wondering were Gil had gone. She stretched out, while thinking about him. She was so happy. So incredibly happy. She'd never thought she would be able to be just happy. She was extremely thankful for having Gil, for the fact that he'd still wanted her after such a long time. He'd seen her on her most horrible days, but he still loved her. That meant more to her than anything else in the world. Catherine got out of bed, put her hair up in a ponytail, and decided to see where Gil was.

The man she was looking for was currently in the kitchen, making the woman he loved a little breakfast. He'd made fresh orange juice and had made some croissants by himself. He hoped they tasted the way they should. Gil only wanted the best for Catherine. He loved her so much, and after all those years, things were finally the way they were supposed to be; the two of them, together, in love. She was the only one to who he dared to be honest, the only one who actually knew him… Gil suddenly felt to warm arms around his waist and heard a familiar voice whisper: "And why aren't you in bed?" Gil turned around and let his lips meet Catherine's before he said: "I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed. But I guess that won't happen anymore." A soft chuckle escaped from Catherine's lips before she said: "I'm sorry I ruined your surprise." A seductive smile spread across her face when she said: "We can still get back in bed though." Catherine grabbed Gil's hand, and he had just enough time to grab the plate with their food and drinks, but he had this voice in his head that said that Catherine preferred to do other things in bed than eating.

That evening, Gil found Catherine standing in front of him. She was wearing a pair of jogging pants, but looked flawless anyway. "Take a walk along the beach with me." Her sudden question surprised Gil, but he couldn't resist it. He grabbed her hand, and went outside. They were walking close to the other, his hand around her shoulder, her hand around his waist. "Gil.. I love you." Gil wanted to reply, but she put a finger on his lips. "I.. You've changed my life the day I met you. I feel so incredibly stupid for taking you for granted for so long. I'm sorry for that." Her blue eyes sparkled in the darkness of the night, which was a sign for Gil that her eyes were a little wet. He smiled, and gave her a kiss on her forehead. "I love you too, Catherine. You've changed me. In a good way." Gil became silent again. Catherine knew how hard it was for him to share his feelings. She smiled at him and said: "Let's sit down for a second. We can watch the stars."

The couple sat down in the sand. Catherine placed herself between Gil's legs, so she could lean against him. He wrapped his arms around her, and there was silence for a while. Catherine sighed out of satisfaction and suddenly said: "You've made my life so much better, Gil." She looked up so she could face him, and he kissed her lightly on her lips. Gil softly said: "You shouldn't compliment me that much. You are the reason I.." He's voice became blanc. Catherine turned herself so she could face him and whispered: "You can tell me." He nodded. "I know. It's… Hard." Catherine nodded and cupped his face. "I know." It seemed like Gil was trying to get enough courage; to get enough courage to open himself up completely. After a while, he started talking. "You've made me feel like I'm a person. Like I actually am somebody. You.. You made me realise that I could love. That I wasn't lonely. That I was loved. That I am loved." Gil seemed a bit out of breath after saying with he needed to say. To his surprise, he saw tears in Catherine's eyes. She pulled herself closer to him and hugged him while she whispered: "You're incredible." "So are you," her murmured.

Catherine broke their embrace and smiled. Then, she leant in to kiss him. Gil's hand were all over her body. She placed her lips in his neck and then said, with a twinkling in her eyes,: "Have you ever made love under the stars?"

_Back off loneliness and hello tenderness,  
I've been waiting for your call for so long.  
And it must been hard just to follow your soul,  
to stick to the road that your heart wants you to go.  
And as you slide through the door,  
with your morals on your sleeve.  
And I think it's time for all those morals to leave,  
so lets get down and freaky baby,  
let's get restless baby,  
come on get crazy with me._

_And I said;  
when you're loving me, I'm loving you.  
And I love your prowess and the things that you do,  
and it's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone,  
and when your loving me, I'm loving you,  
and that's when we've got it goin' on._

_Disclaimer: The song's from the lovely Paolo Nutini, and is called "Loving You." It's from his 2006 album "These Streets". Love his voice.  
__Note: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I suck at smut stuff, so I just decided to not write it in this chapter ;-). I think the next update will be in over a week since I'm having finals next week.. I'll try to update as soon as possible though. Hope you enjoyed it! The button's down there somewhere… x._


	16. 8th of March, 1999

**Chapter 16.**

_Note: Sorry for the delay. I've been having this, well, I'm not sure it's a writer's block.. Just having very little inspiration. Another sorry for the big leap from 1997 tot 1999, I just really want to get to the present days with this ;-). Hope you'll enjoy this chapter anyway, it's a little different than the previous ones.. Don't kill me. x._

_8th of March, 1999._

"Gil! Seriously, what is wrong with you?!" The sharp voice of Catherine Willows filled his office. Gil sighed; he was feeling a migraine coming up. He knew it hadn't been the smartest thing to do; telling their boss about their relationship. Especially without informing Catherine about it.

"Catherine.. We had to tell him at some point, you know that." Catherine slammed her hands on his desk and was almost screaming when she said: "You could've discussed that with me before you did! God, Gil!" Gil could see she was pissed. Extremely pissed. Catherine continued her rage. "Do you have any idea what this means, Gil? One of us has to leave. And we both know that's gonna be me! I don't want to go to dayshift, don't even talk about swing! I want to spent time with you, I want to spent time with my daughter.. Seriously, I'd never thought you'd do something stupid like this!" Steam was almost coming out of her ears. Gil knew he'd made a mistake. But he was sick of hiding the thing that made his life matter. He didn't think she would be this upset about it. On the other hand, he should've known. One of them had to leave their shift. And he knew Catherine wouldn't be happy with that; no matter which one of them would leave.

Gil got up from his chair and walked to Catherine. He wanted to put his arms around her, tell her that it would all be worth it, no matter what happened. She pushed him away though. "Don't, Gil." "Catherine, please, just.. I know it might not have been the smartest thing to do. But I'm sick of hiding how I feel about you."

Catherine knew Gil meant every word he said. He'd done it for them. He'd finally been able to put his emotions first. But Catherine wasn't too happy about it. She loved Gil. He and Lindsey were the two most important people in her life. But her life was finally on track. She'd quit the cocaine. She'd stopped dancing. She was doing a real job. She was being a mother. She was being a lover. Her life was constant. For the first time, there wasn't anything bad in her life. She was afraid change would throw that all away. Catherine turned around to face Gil. He could tell there was more than anger behind those pretty blue eyes. Her look had softened, and vulnerability was shown when Catherine whispered: "I'm scared."

Gil cupped her face with his hands and whispered back: "Of what?" "Change." There was silence for a while, but Gil's hands never left Catherine's face. When a tear fell down her face, Gil whispered: "There's no need to be scared, Cath, you know that. I'll always be there." "I just don't want things to change, Gil. It was perfect the way it was!" "You think it was perfect that we weren't able to show affection every single time we were even close to the lab?" The questioning and somewhat hurt look in Gil's face made Catherine turn her eyes away from his and said: "You know what I mean, Gil." Gil dropped his hands and said: "Actually, I don't." He turned away from her, and Catherine could hear he was hurt.

"Gil, don't do this. You know I don't mean it like that. It's just.. I'm afraid of what's going to happen when we're working different shifts. When are we supposed to see each other?" She placed her hand on the small of Gil's back and whispered: "You should've talked to me about this." He didn't turn around. Instead, he just said: "Then what do you want us to do, Catherine? Is you're job more important than us.. than me?"

Catherine couldn't believe what she just heard Gil say. It broke her heart to realise that he thought he was less important than her job. For God's sake, Gil meant the world to her. Catherine put her chin on his shoulder and her hands around his stomach, praying he wouldn't shake her off. "You and Lindsey are the most important people in my life. Nothing's more important than the two of you." She heard Grissom's breath getting in a more normal rhythm, and eventually, he said: "We should talk to our boss together. Maybe… Maybe we can make some kind of arrangement, I don't know.. We'll make it work, Catherine. I know we will." His comment was filled with determination, and from that moment, Catherine knew things would be all right.

After what had seemed hours to Catherine, Gil finally turned around and kissed her on her lips. She was glad he did. He was glad she let him kiss her. Gil could feel Catherine's breath in his neck when she whispered: "Promise it's all going to work out?" Gil nodded and whispered back: "I promise. Everything's going to be fine." He tugged one of her strawberry blonde locks behind her ear and said: "I love you." "I love you too, Gil."

_I don't wanna be someone who's searching,  
finally met someone,  
I finally met someone.  
There's a couple things I'm still learning,  
just gotta figure out._

_Disclaimer: The song is called "Stay", and it's from the lovely Gavin Degraw.  
Note: I know the song doesn't totally fit. It's beautiful anyway ;-). Hope you enjoyed, I know it's not my best, hopefully my imagination will be a little bit better next chapter. Let me know what you think of it! x._


	17. 17th of December, 1999

**Chapter 17.**

_17th of December, 1999._

The dullness in Catherine's eyes was visible for everyone on the team. So was the lack of interaction between Catherine and Gil. Warrick Brown, who had become a close friend to Catherine over the years, knew there was something wrong. The way Catherine was silently drinking her coffee while she kept staring into space wasn't what the normal Catherine would do. The fact that Gil had been hiding in his office the last couple of hours wasn't a very good sigh either.

An hour later, when all night shift members we're finished with their shift, Warrick ran into Catherine in the locker room. She gave him a small smile, but Warrick could see right through it. "You won't fool me, Catherine. What's going on between you and Grissom?" Catherine tried to put on her best smile and continued her little show when she said: "What makes you think there's something going on? Everything's fine." "Catherine, you know you can tell me." The sweet, tenor voice of Warrick made her feel so safe. She knew she could tell him about what happened; he was one of her best friends. She just felt embarrassed. "It's… It's pretty bad what happened, Warrick. It's.. It's just bad." The words escaped from her mouth in soft whispers.

Warrick walked to door of the locker room and locked it, before walking to the benches that were in the middle of the room. He slowly tugged on Catherine's jacket, pulling her down so she was sitting next to me. "Talk to me." Tears were already escaping from Catherine's eyes, and Warrick started to get even more worried. He'd never seen Catherine so upset and hurt. Warrick gently stroke her hand, waiting for her to talk. "Promise me you won't tell anyone. Definitely not Grissom." He nodded. "Of course I won't."

Catherine didn't look at Warrick when she whispered: "I.. I was pregnant." Warrick patiently waited for her to continue. After a couple of deep breath, she did. "I was pregnant for two months. We.. Gil and I, we were so happy. So extremely happy, you can't imagine. And then.. God, it all went so fast." At that point, Catherine wasn't able to control herself anymore. Tears were falling down her cheeks in quick speed. Her head fell against Warrick's shoulder, and Warrick suddenly realised what had happened. "You.. You miscarried?" She started sobbing even harder, and that was the only answer Warrick needed. He held her in his arms while she cried, his heart breaking bye the sight of the woman in his arms that usually was so strong.

After a couple of minutes that had been filled with Catherine's sobs and Warrick's comforting words, Catherine started talking again. "Gil.. Ever since.. He just.. He's so distant. He doesn't want to talk to me about it. He doesn't want to kiss me. He can't even touch me. God, he can barely look at me. We're drifting apart. I.. I'm not sure what's happening to us. I'm afraid I'm losing him." Tears fell down her cheek again, in silence this time, and Warrick could see she and Gil were having serious problems. He gently wiped away her tears and said: "Gil will come around, Catherine. He's hurt, he needs some time." Desperation was obvious in her eyes when she answered: "I need him."

*

After a long talk with Warrick that night, Catherine decided to go to Gil's place. She needed his comfort, she needed to know he still loved her. She was glad she had one of his keys in her possession, so she could open the front door. "Gil? Gil, where are you?" He didn't answer, but Catherine was sure he was somewhere in his townhouse. She found him in his living room, sitting on his couch, watching Discovery Channel. "Gil? Why aren't you answering me?" Gil didn't bother looking up. Catherine was getting frustrated. He was shutting her out, and she hated it. She needed him, she needed him to get through the pain and the disappointment she was feeling. Catherine walked up to his television, turned it off and looked into his eyes, that finally met hers. "What are you doing?" It was supposed to be his voice saying this to her, but Catherine barely recognized it.

She walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. Catherine tried to reach for his hand, but he pulled away. Tears were welling up in her eyes as she said: "Gil.. Please. I need you. I need you to get through this. Please. I love you." Without looking in her eyes, he answered: "I can't do this Catherine, not now." He was acting so cold. Tears started falling down her cheek as she said: "Why are you doing this, Gil? I love you. I'm feeling just as miserable as you do. We should go through this together." His eyes looked like ice when he answered: "Well, you already have a child." His comment hit her like a knife. Catherine's voice sounded small when she said: "So, I'm not supposed to be hurt because I already have a daughter? For God's sake, Gil, Lindsey loved you as if you are her father!"

Gil got off of the couch and said: "I want you to go, Catherine. I need to be alone." "Well, I need you!" Gil sighed and answered: "I need time, Catherine. Maybe.. Maybe we should take some time apart. Think for a while." Catherine looked at him in disbelief. "You're not serious, are you? You can't be serious." Gil didn't answer her, he just kept staring blankly at her. "Gil, I love you. I need you. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us." Tears started streaming down her face, but Gil seemed emotionless. "Just go, Catherine.. I… I'm sorry."

When Catherine sat in her car a minute later, she couldn't stop crying. She was crying for the pain she felt. Crying for the baby she'd lost. Crying for the man she'd lost. But most of all, she was crying for the man she'd seen in that townhouse. That wasn't the Gil Grissom she knew. That wasn't the man she loved.

_Life was fast and the world was cruel,  
and we swore up and down,  
there would be no regrets in the morning light._

_But on the way home that night,  
on the back of that red rag top,  
She said: " Please don't stop..  
loving me."_

_Disclaimer: The song is from Tim McGraw, and is called "Red Ragtop".  
Note: I know this song is about abortion, and that's not what happened in this chapter, but parts of this songs just seemed to fit, so I cut out the parts I thought suited this story. This chapter just rolled out of my computer today. I know it's angsty, and I know it's a lot of drama.. But they couldn't be happy forever. Don't worry, they will eventually ;-). Please let me know what you think of it, the button's down there.. x._


	18. 1st of May, 2000

**Chapter 18.**

_Note: I again apologize again for the last chapter ;-). Please don't worry, I just needed them to break up so I could use the song that –to me,- perfectly describes Gil's feelings for Catherine. It's not in this chapter yet, but don't worry. Please don't kill me for the last chapter, there wil be love very, very soon. x._

_1st of May, 2000._

The graveyard had just ended their shift, and Catherine had filled in the last bit of paperwork that was necessary. Gil was in San Francisco, attending to a seminar about bugs and other scientific topics. Catherine sighed when she thought about him. Six months. It had been almost six months since their last kiss. She missed still missed him. After losing her baby, and the disastrous aftermath that had followed to it, she and Gil hadn't been able to make things up. Gil didn't dare talking to her. She was to stubborn to be the on to take a big step, somewhat afraid of being rejected as well. And thanks to that, both of them were alone now, still loving the other, but both afraid to speak up. She'd tried to meet someone new, but she didn't want someone new; all Catherine wanted was Gil.

Meanwhile, Gil was on his own in his hotel room in San Francisco. His seminar about bugs was quit satisfying, and he enjoyed talking about his profession. But he still hadn't got over the one person that was still the most important person in his life: Catherine Willows. Gil had thirty more minutes before he had to attend to a dinner in the hotel restaurant, but he hadn't even changed his clothes. Instead, he was just lying on his bed, thinking about everything that had happened the last couple of months.

He'd been thrilled when Catherine had told him she was pregnant. Having a baby with Catherine was a gift from God. And then she'd miscarried.. That had been the point were all the trouble had started. He knew he'd been deadly wrong, ignoring Catherine and being as cold as ice. He'd shut himself off of her completely. Gil had locked himself up with his emotions since the day of Catherine's miscarriage, and he was perfectly aware of that. It had never been his intention. But the emotions that had overcome him when Catherine had told him he'd lost the baby had been so intense.

But now, the emptiness was bigger than he could've imagined. He and Catherine barely talked. Her eyes looked dull and her smiles weren't sincere. He knew she was hurt. And hurt was just an understatement. Catherine wasn't the woman she used to be, and Gil knew he had turned back into the loner he was before he'd met Catherine. A voice in his head kept saying that he should move on. Continue a life without Catherine. That morning, there'd been someone he could've moved on with. The brunette, that had introduced herself to him as Sara Sidle, had practically threw herself on him, telling him how wonderful his work was and how she admired him. Gil could tell she was a smart woman. A friendly woman. But she was like him; exactly like him. And that wasn't what he needed. He needed Catherine.

Gil decided to skip the dinner he was supposed to go to. He had to admit that Sara was nice company, but it wasn't the right time. All he could think about was Catherine. All he wanted to think about was Catherine.

Catherine was alone that night. Lindsey was spending the night at Eddie's. She had plenty of time to think, but that was all she didn't want. It gave her too much time to think about Gil. She missed him so bad. She wanted to call him, to sent him a text message… But she was afraid of Gil's reaction. After what he'd told her those six months ago, she was scared as hell to approach him. Gil was all she wanted, all she needed. And right now, Gil was all she couldn't have. Her cell phone was laying next to her. It would only take a couple of small movements to call him. To tell him that she wanted him. The amount of courage she needed to have in order to do so, was too big though. Catherine drank of the cup of hot milk she was holding in her hand, and decided to get to bed very, very early, in the hope of forgetting everything she wanted. She knew that would never happen though.

Meanwhile, Gil was still laying on his bed. His thoughts were never leaving the subject of Catherine Willows. He thought about the first time he'd seen her. Her gorgeous body. Her precious smile. Her amazing eyes. He thought about the first time he'd kissed her. Her soft, red lips attaching to his. He thought about the first time they'd made love; the way her eyes were sparkling. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her gorgeous face. Gil knew there wasn't anyone he loved more than he loved Catherine Willows.

It was late that night when Catherine Willows woke up from the beep of her cell phone. She looked at her clock; there were two hours left before she had to get up. She was too curious to see who had sent her a message though, and flipped her cell phone open. Catherine thought she was dreaming when she read: **I'm sorry. I miss you. I love you. **But she wasn't dreaming. She wasn't dreaming at all.

_One hand on the trigger of a telephone,  
wondering when the call comes_

_Where you say it's all right,_

_you got your heart right._

_So maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and,  
wait on your porch 'till you come back home,  
oh right.  
I can't find a flight._

_So I'll check the weather, wherever you are,  
'cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight.  
It might be my only right._

_We share the sadness.  
Split screen sadness._

_Disclaimer: The song is from John Mayer, and is called "Split Screen Sadness".  
Note: I know there's like.. Zero conversation in this chapter. Will change in the next chapter, promise. I hope you all like it, despite the fact that Catherine and Gil aren't together yet. Please let me know. X._


	19. 16th of May, 2000

**Chapter 19:**

_16th of May, 2000._

Catherine wake up from the ringing alarm clock, that was placed near her ear. She slammed it so it would stop making any noise, and turned herself around again. There was only one reason she didn't want to get out of bed. That reason was Gil Grissom. He would be back from San Francisco today, and she was scared. The text-message he'd sent her was the only contact they'd been having in his absence. She was scared of what was going to happen when she'd see him. She wanted to be with him. Catherine knew there wasn't anyone she'd love more than Gil. But they had to talk. And she wasn't sure if Gil was ready for that. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that either. Fifteen minutes later than usual, Catherine was finally able to drag herself out of bed.

Gil sighed when he opened the door of his townhouse. He was back. Finally. He had the night off today, but he wanted to get to the lab. In San Francisco, he'd had a huge amount of time to think about himself and Catherine. He'd been an ass. After Catherine had lost their baby, he'd been acting like he would've acted in every single situation before he'd met Catherine. He'd been wrong. And he needed to tell her that. She hadn't answered his text-message, and Gil was afraid he was too late to make it all right. But he was determined to at least give it a try.

Catherine knew she looked tired when she arrived at work about an hour later. She'd tried to look her best though; tight jeans, brown leather jacket… She wasn't sure if Gil would be in tonight. She wasn't having a clue of what he wanted, and she wasn't quite sure of what she wanted herself either. She did know that she wanted to see him. When she walked into the locker room, she found Nick and Warrick. Both men smiled at her and Nick said: "Hey boss. Today's the last day we get to call you boss, huh?" Despite her nerves, Catherine had to laugh. She loved Nick and she adored his accent; it was so cute. "Well," she answered, "if you want to, you can keep calling me boss. I'm sure Grissom won't mind." Nick shook his head and answered: "Nah. Having a woman as a boss… That's like an opposing world!" Catherine playfully slapped his shoulder before all three started to laugh.

Halfway through her shift, Catherine walked to Gil's office. She hadn't been working in it during Gil's absence; it simply reminded her too much of Gil. She needed an old case file though, and she knew that it was laying in Gil's office. While walking to his office, Catherine started thinking about him. She still hadn't heard a thing of him, though she was positive he was back in Las Vegas at this time of the day. She was somewhat relieved that Gil hadn't clocked in that night, but she was also afraid of when she wás going to see him. As soon as Catherine stood in front of his office, she had the idea that it wasn't going to take very long until she would see Gil. His office was unlocked, the door almost closed. Catherine took a deep breath; she wasn't sure if she was ready to see him. She had to though. Without knocking, she walked into the office, and indeed found Gil sitting in his office chair, his back turned towards the door.

Gil could hear the soft, quick breaths that someone behind him was taking; he knew it was Catherine. He turned around in his chair to face her, wondering what was going to happen; was she going to scream, was she going to cry.. He had no idea. The first thing Gil noticed when he turned around, was that she'd cut her hair. Her long, reddish hair that used to fall down in the middle of her back was now cut to her shoulders. It was different. It didn't matter to Gil though; she still looked gorgeous. "You cute your hair." Gil could tell Catherine was surprised by his comment and said: "Uuh… Yeah. You mind?" Gil immediately shook his head. "No, no.. Not at all. You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Not removing her eyes from him, Catherine closed the door of Gil's office with her foot.

Gil cleared his throat and said: "I just.. I just wanted to call Judy to see if you were in. I think we should talk." Catherine nodded. "We should." Her voice sounded soft and when their eyes met again, all Gil wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and forget about the events that happened the last couple of months. Instead, he said: "I.. I made a mistake. Well, more than one actually. After you miscarried.. I acted like an ass." Gil stopped for a second when Catherine said: "You did." She was still standing in front of his door, her arms crossed, waiting for him to continue. Gil could tell she could break down and cry in a minute though.

Gil got out of his chair and stood in front of her. When he cupped her cheeks, she didn't reject him. He then continued talking. "I turned into the same old Gil I was before I met you. I just.. I was so happy when you told me we were having a baby." Her eyes were getting wetter with every word he said. "I didn't have the right to act to you the way I did. I just.. I felt so terrible. I kept thinking of things I could've done to prevent you from miscarrying that baby." Tears felt down her cheek when Catherine whispered: "Gil.. The only one who can prevent something like that is God. I guess.. I guess it just wasn't meant to be or something. Just.. Don't blame yourself, Gil." He wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face as he whispered: "I love you Catherine, I… I don't know why I said the things I said. I know I've been terrible and I wouldn't blame you if you wouldn't want me back. But.. I love you. Your perfect to me. I want you back."

Catherine's blue eyes sparkled through her tears, but she didn't say a thing. There were a million things they needed to talk about, but Catherine knew that the man that was standing in front of her was the man she needed in her life. And that was why she lend in and kissed him.

_She thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking,  
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken.  
I loved you, grey sweat pants,  
no makeup, so perfect._

_Our love was, comfortable and  
so broken in.  
She's perfect, so flawless,  
I'm not impressed._

_I want you back._

_  
Disclaimer: I love this song.. I love this man.. It's Comfortable, from the lovely John Mayer. I assume you all have guessed by now that I love him, don't you ;-).  
__Note: I wanted to use a bigger part of the lyrics, but that wouldn't really fit into the story.. It would have if I had paired up Grissom and Sara but.. Well.. I just couldn't do that to you guys. Or myself. So.. This is the last chapter that shows Catherine and Grissom before the first season of CSI.. Don't worry, not finished yet ;-). Hope you enjoyed it, let me know.. Button's below. xx. ._


	20. 13th of February, 2003

_Note: Hi all, I'm sorry for the delay. I just wanted to write something I actually liked, not something that I wanted so I could update as quick as possible. Hope you all enjoy it, let me know! x. _

**Chapter 20.**

_13th of February, 2003._

Lindsey had been hearing the sobs from her mother for more than an hour now. She knew her mother tried to be as quiet as she could, but that wasn't working out too good. Lindsey didn't know what to do. There was only one thing she could think of. There was only one person she knew she could call.

Gil was sitting in his car, in front of Catherine's house. All the lights were off, and he wasn't quite sure what to do. He wanted to hold her. Kiss her. Comfort her. He wanted to do everything for the woman he loved. There were two things holding him back though. Two persons, to be honest. The first was Eddie. And he knew that was kind of strange, since dead person wasn't supposed to bother someone. But he'd seen the look on Catherine's face after she'd heard Eddie was dead. She looked like she did when she'd been with Eddie. It was as if she was reliving every single thing that had happened between her and Eddie. And Gil didn't mean the good things by that. The other person was Heather. Lady Heather. He'd met her before, and there was something so intriguing and interesting about that woman, something he couldn't describe. He hadn't really talked to Catherine after Eddie's dead. He felt guilty about that. Especially since it had been Heather who he'd been with.

His cell hone made got him out of his trance. He recognized the number immediately; it was Catherine's. The voice wasn't Catherine's though; it was the panicking voice of her daughter. "Uncle Gil, you have to come!" He was overwhelmed with worry as he heard the voice of the little girl and said: "What is going on, Lindsey?" "Mom won't stop crying. She just won't stop crying, and I don't know what to do!" He could hear the little girl was close to crying and said: "It's okay, sweetheart. I'll be there in a second, don't open the door for anyone, I've got a key."

As soon as Gil opened the door of Catherine's house, Lindsey flew into his arms. He knew she was scared. "It's okay sweetheart, don't be scared." The girl buried her head into his chest and Gil stroke the soft blonde hair of the little girl before he said: "How about I tuck you into bed and then I'll make sure you're mom is fine?"

A couple of minutes later, Gil quietly entered Catherine's room. She'd stopped sobbing, but Gil could tell she wasn't asleep. She was laying with her back to the door, so he walked to the other side of the bed to face her. He sat down on her bed and slowly raised his hand to stroke her hair. Catherine's eyes were open, red and wet, but she didn't show any sign of acknowledging his presence. "Lindsey called me. She was afraid."

Catherine could hear Gil whisper those words. She felt empty. Eddie wasn't the love of her life. She'd thought he was at a certain point of her life. Eddie was Lindsey's father. He'd been her husband. Catherine knew that Eddie hadn't been good for her. And that was a nice way of saying it. But Eddie had always had some kind of influence on her. And so did his death. Lindsey's father was dead. The man she'd been married to was dead. He was gone. Just like that; gone.

She felt Gil's hand stroking her hair, patiently waiting for her to response to him. Catherine turned her head to face him and simply said: "He's dead." Gil nodded and said: "I know." There was silence for a while, and then Catherine suddenly said: "I'm sorry I scared Lindsey. I…I'm not crying for him. I'm crying because… Because Lindsey's lost her father. Because she has to grow up without her father. And… because I'm scared." Her words weren't more than soft whispers, but Gil heard every single one of them. He gently pushed her away a little bit and lay down next to her. Catherine immediately let her head rest on his chest and put her hands on his belly. Gil never stopped stroking her hair as he said: "What are you scared of?"

Gil felt her heart beating quickly. He patiently waited for her to answer. She slowly turned herself to face him and whispered: "I'm scared of losing you. Eddie died. Out of nowhere, he died. He left this world, and.. I'm scared. What if you die? What if you would just leave me all of a sudden? I.. I don't think I could handle that. What if I lose you? What if Lindsey loses you?"

Gil could read Catherine's vulnerability perfectly fine; it showed all over her face. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead and said: "I'm not going anywhere." "You don't know that."

Gil could see she was scared. Her gorgeous blue eyes were dull, red and had tons of emotions written in them. Their eyes locked when Gil started saying: "Catherine, listen. I can't promise you we'll both turn hundred and live happily ever after for the rest of our lives. But I'll be there for you. No matter what will happen to you or me, I'll always be here. And I'll always be there too." His hand pointed to her heart, and a whelm of warmth washed over her, despite of the horrible things she was feeling at this point.

"I love you, Gil." Catherine kissed him on his lips before letting her head rest on his chest again. "I love you too. Now, get some sleep. I know you need it." Her eyes searched his again and she said: "You'll stay here?" Gil's thumb caressed her cheek for a short while and he said: "Like I said, I'll never leave. No matter what."

_I'm scared to face another day,  
'cause the fear in me,  
just won't go away._

_In an instance,  
you were gone,  
and now I'm scared._

_Disclaimer: The song is from Duffy, and is called "I'm scared". She a Welsh singer/songwriter, and she's a really good one too. Look her up on youtube, every single song of her album Rockferry is incredible.  
Note: I've got a lot of singers I like, don't I ;-). Anyways, I hope you've enjoyed. Please let me know! xx._


	21. 20th of November, 2003

_Note: Hi all! I'm so sorry for the huge delay on this one.. I thought I'd already posted this chapter since I've finished writing it ages ago and then got stuck.. But I didn't! I feel so stupid right now.. Here is the 21st chapter -finally-. I really hoppe you all still enjoy this! xx. _

**Chapter 21.**

_20th of November, 2003._

The files that he was currently reading, gave Gil shivers all over his body. That darn Delhomme had made their last case a hell. Not to mention that the relationship between Catherine, Sara and Nick would probably suffer from it as well. Gil knew it was Catherine who walked into his office as soon as she closed the door. Her sweet perfume was filling his office immediately. Without a word, she sat down in the chair at the other side of his desk. Gil looked up from his files, waiting for Catherine to talk. "Thanks for backing me up on this case."

The smile Gil gave her wasn't a happy one, but it was reassuring enough for Catherine as soon as he said: "Like I said. I'll always have your back, Catherine. I don't think Sara and Nick appreciated though."

Catherine sighed. "I know. I just.. I honestly thought that it would help if I took the case. I didn't do it to bother them, not at all. I just thought that Delhomme would start talking quicker if I did the interviews. I knew he was a little weird.. But how was I supposed to know he was just…. Obsessed?"

Gil knew it bothered Catherine that Nick and Sara weren't too happy with her. His hand reached out for hers and he placed his hand over hers. "Cath, they'll survive. They know you did it for the case, I'm positive they do. Both just wanted that promotion, you can't blame them for that. But it will all be fine, I'm sure about that." Catherine nodded, but Gil could tell she wasn't completely reassured. Gil smiled and said: "Come here."

Catherine got up from her chair and placed herself in Gil's lap immediately. She let her head rest against his shoulder and whispered: "You're not mad at me for wanting this case?" Gil smiled and gently massaged her upper leg while he said: "I'm not mad. I'm glad you're okay. That Delhomme was a creep." Catherine sighed. "I know. He.. God, he gives me goose bumps." For a while, the couple just sat in Gil's chair, close and warm together, without saying a word.

In that time, Gil was thinking about Delhomme. That man had been more than obsessed with Catherine. Obviously, Catherine was gorgeous. And Gil had to admit that he was already jealous when another man looked at her just a little too long. But Delhomme hadn't been just looking at Catherine. The way he'd been fixated on her, the way he'd been obsessing over her… It had been terrible.

Catherine's voice got him out of his trance when she said: "I know you're thinking about him." She caressed his cheek and gave him a smile. "What makes you think I'm thinking about him?" Catherine looked in his eyes and said: "Well, you've got a dimple in your forehead. Which means your thinking about something serious. And since I can't possibly think of any other serious thing you could be thinking about while I'm sitting in your lap…" She gave him a little wink and smiled. "Don't worry about that man anymore. He's gone, he won't hurt me."

Gil smiled. "I won't. As long as you promise me you won't worry too much about Sara and Nick. Things will work out." Catherine nodded. "I guess. Thanks… For being here for me." "I'm always here for you." "I know."

They sat down again in silence for a split second, until Catherine moved a little bit so she could easily reach Gil's lips.

_You are an obsession._  
_I cannot sleep._  
_I am a possession,_  
_unopened at your feet._  
_There is no balance,_  
_no equality, be still._  
_I will not accept defeat._

_You are an obsession,_  
_you're my obsession._  
_Who do you want me to be,_  
_to make you sleep with me?_

_Disclaimer: The song is from the Sugababes, and is called 'Obsession'. Just in case you guys wondering; it's out of Delhomme's point of view. Not that any of you think I'm letting Gil turn into some kind of stalker, haha ;-)._  
_Note: I hope you all liked it again! I wanted to let you all know that I'm almost done with this story. I decided that I want these glimpses to stop at the end of season five, since I'm not sure where to head with this after Gil and Sara's relationship gets known in the show. Hope you all will enjoy the last few chapters, and please let me know your thoughts! xx._


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